Into the Darkness
by ArdisMay
Summary: After the Doctor wipes Donna's memories of him she is forced to go back to her old life. What he didn't know is the impression he made on her would forever change her. Warning: This is a bit dark and could possibly be triggering
1. Chapter 1

Sitting in her psychiatrist's waiting room Donna could only focus on all the places she would rather be, but she had promised her Gramps she would do what the court mandated to prevent going back into the loony bin. Plus he had pulled some strings to get her in to see the best they could afford rather than the state hospital. Three days they had kept her, the most agonizing seventy two hours of her life. Thankfully even with being pumped full of meds she kept her wits about her enough to hide the darkness that filled up the hole within her soul. Releasing her into the custody of her mother, the only parting gift they gave her was a proper diagnosis of schizophrenia and a bottle full of meds, of which she seriously considered using to end her wasteful life. In fact, the only thing that prevented her was the sad look in her Gramp's eyes when he came to see her after her first attempt. Well, that and her imaginary friend. Most of the time he only made her want to die more, give into the pain so she could be with him and happy even if for a few moments.

Since her diagnosis Donna had lost everything, her job and thus flat but worst of all was the loss of her friends. Not that they had necessarily abandoned her. Every single one of them looked at her differently after they found out and the way they all gossiped, it spread like wild fire. She was no longer Donna Noble, temp. Rather she was Donna Noble, crazy. Everything she said, thought or did was graded on that basis. Quickly she tired of this and gradually cut them out of her life one by one so she could spend more time with John. She had met him at the onset of her problems, when the memory loss occurred.

Waking up Donna felt no different than any other day, walking into her living room to see her Mum and Gramps chatting with a strange lanky man who introduced himself as John Smith. Before he showed himself out he made sure to say goodbye to her, of which she found odd. Soon Donna found out that this day was unlike others, because when she had woken up somehow she had fast-forward two years with almost no memory of what had happened. Her engagement was off, her place of employment closed and no one had seen her other than once in a while when she sent a postcard to her Gramps while she was out traveling on her own. Horror stricken by the absences and painful migraines that accompanied anytime she tried to put the pieces back together Donna went in search of a doctor who could tell her what was wrong.

She was referred from doctor to doctor, going through test after test all coming up inconclusive. It was at these doctor visits that she began to run into John. He was a friendly face to help bide her time in waiting rooms and someone she could confide in about her true worries. Especially when the doctors suggested the pains were all in her head and she see someone for her amnesia and headaches on the psychological level. John didn't coddle her, didn't think she was losing her mind, in fact he was the one thing helping her keep everything together. After her last neuro appointment it was his arms she rushed to, sobbing at the suggestion she was making up the pain and lost memories.

John was the one to hold her until she stopped shaking and every last tear dried, whispering sweet condolences and promises that it wasn't in her head. It was then that she had kissed him, in a moment of weakness, to which he startled her by shouting "detox." It wasn't until her other visions started that Donna began to worry maybe something was wrong with her head in the manner the doctors had suggested. They started out small, with an odd bee in the office buzzing about or hearing screams when no one was in crisis. Still, too strong to admit she might need help or could be weak she shut herself off even more to the world, spending any time she wasn't at work with John. It was on one of these nights that everything came crashing down and reality set in leading Donna right to where she was now.

Donna was rushing out from work, in a hurry to pick up chips for their dinner when the visions intensified. Her keys were out, ready to get in her car when a huge red spider reared up in front of her cackling at her, Lance standing next to her with an axe aiming at Donna, "I was stuck with a woman who thinks the height of excitement is a new flavor Pringle. I had to sit there and listen to all that yap, yap, yap. Dear God, the never ending fountain of fat, stupid trivia. Anything is better than a night with her," he mocked. Unable to determine what was real Donna fell back screaming and shielding herself with her hands, as he hacked at her with the axe and the spider thing egged him on. When they disappeared before her Donna was notably traumatized but more so by the fact that everyone around her was staring, scared of her, "did you see that," she yipped, "don't just stand there. Someone call 999," she ordered, "where did they go," she asked one man standing somewhat closer than the others. Slowly he backed away from her, not making eye contact, "what is wrong with you all," Donna yelled as they looked at the train wreck happening in front of them.

One of her co-workers came up to her, "Donna are you okay," she asked apprehensively. Donna shook her head realizing her body was still shaking in the aftermath of almost being attacked, "no. I don't know where they went," she cried. Susie, nodded carefully, "where who went," she questioned unsure what had just taken place. Pausing to glare at her Donna moved back from her hands, "did you not see them try to attack me," she squealed. Scared to answer Susie just stood there quietly for a few moments, "huh, you prawn," she shot. "Donna, all I saw was you fall to the ground screaming with your arms flailing," she responded. Gasping Donna looked around, "you didn't see the spider and Lance," she asked as Susie shook her head no. Thoroughly embarrassed and confused Donna got into her car speeding off. She almost got into an accident from the tears that blurred her vision rushing home into John's arms. "John," she shouted walking into her flat and like he had known she would need him his arms were around her as she sunk to the ground, "I don't know what's wrong," she sobbed as he soothed her.

Word of Donna's episode reached Sylvia Noble faster than one would have thought humanly possible. Her daughter's behavior had been worrying her as her medical issues continued to plague her but completely melting down like that in public and not even a phone call was the last line. Sylvia and Wilfred bundled up into the car making their way to Donna's. After no response from buzzing Sylvia let herself in with the key she had forced Donna to give her in case of emergencies like this. Inside, through the door she could hear Donna having a conversation with someone, listening for a few moments she realized it must be the phone since it was one sided. Letting herself in, Sylvia and Wilfred were shocked to see a drunk, half naked Donna sprawled out on the couch talking to thin air. Gasping at the sight caught Donna's attention, "Mum, what do you think you're doing," she hollered obviously embarrassed trying to cover herself as her Gramps covered his eyes with his hand to give his granddaughter privacy.

Stepping forward Sylvia removed the nearly empty bottle of wine from her daughter's hand, "did you drink all of this yourself," she inquired. Rolling her eyes Donna sighed, "no, John helped me. Where do you get off barging in on us," she growled expecting an answer as Sylvia looked around awkwardly, "John," she repeated questioningly. Point to the corner she nodded, "yeah, that bloke there trying to keep himself covered since you came and barged in here," she boomed. Realizing what was going on Sylvia raised a hand to her mouth, in an attempt to contain the fearful noises that accompanied the tears escaping. Wilf stepped forward placing a supportive hand on her shoulder, "Donna, sweetheart, there isn't anyone over there. You're alone in the room. How much have you had to drink eh," he lightly chuckled trying to lighten the mood but it only angered Donna.

Tossing the throw that had been covering her nearly stark body she moved toward them like fire, "you barge into my house and have the audacity to tell me that I'm the only one here and John the man that I have spent the last six months getting to know is in fact not standing in the corner half naked, what do you take me for," she growled as angry tears threatened to fall. She relaxed a bit seeing the tears in her Gramp's eyes, "I'm sorry," she apologized, "I shouldn't have yelled." Wilfred was shaking where he stood, "Donna, love, will you turn around and tell me what you see in the corner," he begged. Trying to appease him after yelling Donna turned to find that the corner was empty, "John," she called, "where'd you go," she asked beginning to search for him. Her flat wasn't that big so there could only be a few places he could hide. Coming up short in each one of them Donna wanted to lash out at the fear building within her, "you just had to barge in here and scare him off," she shouted at Sylvia.

Wilfred stepped forward, putting himself between his granddaughter and daughter, "now Donna, if we were in front of the door where did John go," he tried to reason. The fear mounting within her couldn't last much longer, "out! I want you both out! Now! Wait," she yelled marching over to them and putting her hand out, "I'll be taking my key back before you go. You're not welcome here anymore," she leered ripping the key from Sylvia's hand and expectantly waiting for them to get out. "Donna please be reasonable," Sylvia pleaded but Donna would have none of it, "out," she shouted slamming the door as soon as they were on the other side melting to the ground in heaves of tears.

"No, no, no," she quietly chanted to herself hitting the back of her head on the door, "not him too," she sobbed. Before she knew it John was at her side silently hushing away all her fears, kissing her tears away, "please don't cry Donna, I can't bare it when you cry," he held her. She swallowed down her tears, "you're not real," she protested. John pulled her tighter to him, "you know I am Donna, deep down in your heart. This love, the way I make you feel, you are brilliant Donna Noble and I love you so much," he promised praying she would believe.

Shaking from the combination of adrenalin, alcohol and cold Donna wrapped her arms around herself, "are you a memory? Is that what's going on? You're my memory? You're why I left Lance," she choked out. John smiled wiping a tear from her cheek, "it's your mind," he softly answered. Donna stood up, walking to the kitchen. Opening a cupboard a top her fridge she found a bottle of black velvet, unopened that she had left over from Lance. Reaching for a glass she added ice and filled it to the brim with the golden brown alcohol, "how fitting," she chuckled to herself, "it flickers like your eyes," she frowned forcing the warm liquid down her throat before pouring another glass and leaving it on the counter. Walking to the bathroom she was startled to see her pale tear streaked face in the mirror as John came up behind her wrapping his arms around her, "you are so beautiful Donna. Why can't you see," he wished for her to see herself like he saw her.

Looking away she pushed the thought from her mind, "you have to say that. You're my head," she clarified opening the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. There was no need to search for the bottle that she required as it sat on the bottom right corner, easier to reach when she had one of her migraines. Grasping the bottle in her hand she returned to the kitchen for her glass of now cooled velvet, taking them both to the bedroom, "lay with me," she requested, John in his brown pinstripe suit only too happy to comfort her. She opened the top of the bottle, letting pills fall into her hand before looking back at him, "promise we'll be together forever spaceman," she slurred. John smiled tucking a ginger lock behind her ear, "I couldn't get rid of you if I tried," he vowed as she tossed the handful of pills into her mouth forcing them down with the ice cold brown liquid. She snuggled into him, "will you hold me until the end," she panted her breaths becoming slowed. "Yes, my love. Forever," he promised kissing her head.

Drifting off into the dark abyss Donna was only filled with one emotion, love. The way her hand felt in his, the way he looked at her full of admiration, how his tongue whispered her name and took all her worries away. With John anything was possible, she was more than a temp, she was the most important woman in the universe. As Donna faded she was chased by memories of little fat blobs running down the street, people holding brains in their hands and electrical shooting pepper pots. They were so real that she only had one option, take John's hand and run.


	2. Chapter 2

Trying to decide is she was hovering closer to heaven or hell Donna was startled into consciousness by the attack her senses undertook by the noises surrounding her. Donna's stinging pain flooded her thoughts, her whole body ached, including the emptiness in her stomach. Forcing her eyelids open was harder than usual but finally she succeeded unstitching them from each other. As her eyes adjusted to the room she focused on a pale yellow wall in front of her, telly mounted on it. To her right was her Mum, curled up in a chair, her hand holding onto Donna's with crumpled tissues in her lap, "you're awake," Wilf smirked catching his granddaughter's attention. Looking to her left she saw him in another chair, "you're at the hospital. Been sedated for a while. They had to pump your stomach so your throat will likely be sore," he explained standing to get her some water. Bringing the plastic cup to her mouth was like rainfall on the desert. Her mouth craved more wanting to lap it up until she overflowed with water but somehow knowing better she sipped on it instead.

Confused she couldn't remember how or why she got here, "what happened," she croaked. Wilf smiled sadly, "they found you in the street, wearing only your knickers. No telling how long you were there. The woman who found you thought you were dead, you were so cold. When the paramedics got to you, hypothermia was setting in and you were unconscious. They found so much alcohol and drugs in your system, that's why they pumped your stomach. Said you tried to kill yourself," he trailed off searching her eyes, "did you Donna," he finally asked. Unable to answer him, fearful of disappointing the one person she could always count on she looked away, but he had already read her face and knew the true answer. "Your grandfather asked you a question," Sylvia pushed, Donna only then noticing that she had woken when Gramps began to talk, "no Mum. It was an accident. Just one of my migraines. Must've mixed too much," she offered. Frowning Sylvia squeezed her hand, "you need to be more careful. I don't know what I would have done if we lost you last night," she tearfully admitted. Shocked to see her Mum cry and especially over the thought of losing her Donna was taken aback unsure what to do.

Wilf had recovered by then and patted Donna on the shoulder, "I'll go get a nurse, they'll want to be checking on you now that you're awake. They need to ask you some questions before they transfer you," he let on leaving the room. Donna looked to her Mum, "transfer me," she asked taken aback. Sylvia sat up more in her chair, "they think you tried to kill yourself. Want you to get mental clearance. Once you're stable they are going to move you to West London Mental Health," she described what they had been told. She leaned in closer, "Donna, they could keep you ninety days," she warned. Donna was horrified, "for what? A misunderstanding? No, they can't," she declared. Frowning Sylvia was on the verge of tears again, "I talked with a couple people, they said the best way to prevent that is signing over guardianship and coming to live with me. I know it isn't ideal for you but I'd rather have you safe and nearby at home. Donna I want to help you. Let me help you through this," she pleaded. Surely this had to be a hallucination too.

There was a knock at the door followed by a nurse in a circle print and her Gramps entering, "your Grandfather told me you're awake. That's a good sign," she smiled walking over to her. "I just need to get your vitals so we can ensure you're stable before we can release you," she told her. Donna nodded as she had her blood pressure, pulse and temperature taken, "I'll go enter these into your chart and see what the doctor has to say. I think you'll be out of here in no time," she said leaving the room.

As soon as she left Wilf spoke up, "did you two speak," he asked. Donna nodded, "if you mean about her idea then yes," she shot, "you're in on it too then," she clarified. Her Gramps looked struck, "Donna we both want the best for you. Right now none of us know how to help you. You keep closing yourself off, you won't let us. If you keep fighting this it will only get worse. You need to see a proper doctor, someone who can get to the bottom of this," he challenged. Donna rolled her eyes, "what do you think I've been doing? I've seen so many doctors and every one of them said the same thing. They tell me it's all in my head Gramps. I'm not crazy," she boomed her lip beginning to tremble. Wilfred bent over hugging her, "I know you're not sweetheart. I know," he comforted until she settled down. "I know someone. If you go along and sign guardianship over to your Mum we can get you into see the best, these people I know will find a way to help you. They are good friends of mine," he promised.

They all sat there in quiet anticipation waiting for Donna to give them an answer but before she could there was a knock on the door again followed by the same nurse entering, "good news. The doctor is releasing you. The paperwork will be read soon and shortly an ambulance will be here to transfer you," she informed them all. Donna met her Gramp's pleading eyes as the nurse removed her iv and Sylvia grabbed a bag from next to her containing some clothes she had brought from home. Once the nurse left, Donna sighed heavily, "okay," she agreed met by ecstatic smiles from both Wilf and Sylvia.

"Do I have to go in the ambulance," she questioned unsure about this. Sylvia leaned in hugging her, "yes. It's a technicality. We'll meet you there," she promised as Wilf moved in to hug her goodbye, "I won't let the ambulance out of my sight. Follow you the whole way there," he vowed. Donna nodded understanding; she had tied their hands this time. If she fought the situation things would only become worse. Thankfully they were ready to transport her, the paramedic assigned to the back with her wasn't too bad although the way he looked at her made Donna feel like a second class citizen, like he could catch crazy from her. The short ride was over quick enough and he accompanied her out, handing her off to West London Mental Health. It could have been worse, nothing like what she had seen on the telly fortunately.

A young female nurse in dark blue scrubs greeted her at the door, taking the paperwork from the paramedic, "Hello Donna Noble, I'm Cindy," she introduced herself, "this way," she led as they walked down the long hall stopping in an alcove with three doors. Reaching into her pocket Cindy pulled keys, opening the center door and turning on the light, "this is the bathroom, I'm going to need to do a body check on you, as well as get some basic information for our records," she explained entering. Walking over to a basket full of gowns she removed one handing it to Donna, "if you could change into this and then we'll get you a pair of scrubs for tonight until we can check in your clothes. I need to see all parts of your body while your changing to note any marks or abnormalities," she kindly told her. Donna nodded stepping into the corner of the large bathroom. Slipping of her shoes one by one, Donna then removed her socks followed by her trousers as the nurse watched on making notes, "can you turn around for me," she kindly requested.

Standing there she took a deep breath before obeying, knowing that the nurse would see her best hid secret. Facing Cindy she moved her hands from her thighs revealing several scars and scratches that had scabbed over. Cindy nodded seeing them and marking her paper, "how did you get those," she inquired. Ashamed Donna stared at her naked toes and the comforting dark blue nail polish that was beginning to peel, "I did them," she confessed. The nurse wrote that down, "when was the last time you cut," she questioned. Donna wrapped her arms around herself, "before they found me in the street," she admitted, "okay," Cindy replied. Donna then removed her shirt, letting the nurse check her over before putting on the gown and following to another room where she was weighed, measured and had to give a urine sample. Letting her back into the large bathroom Cindy handed Donna a set of white scrubs, "hospital issue, oh, I forgot to ask, does your bra have any wires in it," she asked. Donna nodded knowing why she was asking, "I'm going to have to take it. We have sports bras that I can get you in the mean time," she offered. Removing her bra Donna handed it over waiting for the nurse to return with an approved bra. Never in her life had she felt so humiliated.

Once dressed in the scrubs Donna was shown to her room, "the psychologist is talking with your family, in a few tics I'll take you to them. Why don't you relax in the mean time," she suggested. Sitting on the single bed Donna looked around the barren room, wall of empty built in shelves, a sink and desk like area accompanied by a large square seat or at least what she assumed to be a seat. She laid down resting on the pillow and pulling the white blankets around her, if she wasn't careful this could become her life. Actually, it was her life until further notice, unless she complied with her Mum's suggestion of signing her guardianship to her so she could get out sooner. But that mean she'd have to move back in with them. Even if her Mum was being temporarily nice, that surely wouldn't last long.

She heard someone clear their throat from the corner of the room, "maybe it won't be so bad in here. Think of is as a holiday. You deserve a holiday with everything. You can get rested up and come back fighting," John smirked bouncing on the square seat he was sitting on. "You can't be here," she shot refusing to look at him, "you're not real." John stood up walking over to kneel at her side, "Donna I am as real as the stars in the sky," he promised. Closing her eyes she rolled onto her other side, "they're so far away most are dead already. How do I know what ones are real," she scoffed. John leaned over her brushing Donna's hair from her face gently, "because my love you have seen them. You have seen the creation of universes and deaths of planets, righting wrongs and curing injustices," he told her. Scooting closer to the wall she patted the spot behind her, "hold me," she whimpered, "promise it will all be okay. That everything will work out. I don't know what to do John," she cried. He lay down, taking her into his arms, "oh Donna you are so strong. Why can't you see it," he begged kissing away her tears.

There was a knock on the door, "I can take you to see your family now," Cindy offered. Donna looked across the now empty room proving that John was just part of her sick mind playing games, "yes. That would be lovely," she answered standing up and wiping the tears falling down her face away. Walking past the nurses desk they took a left going down to the main doors which she not that long ago had come in, to the right of the entrance was a door with her Mum and Gramps inside. Sitting down at the table on the other side from them she stared at her hands rather than make eye contact. The psychiatrist introduced himself, "hello, I'm Dr. Easely, your Mum was asking about a transfer of guardianship. She stated that you would be interested in this. If you are I could help you fill out the paperwork and you could be released into her hands in a week," he offered. "A week," Donna squeaked, "I'm going to be in here a week? You can't even prove that I tried to off myself, that it wasn't a mistake, like I said. How can you keep me against my will," she yelled. Wilf made eye contact with her giving her a quick shake of his head. Donna closed her eyes taking a deep breath, he was right now was not the time to let her temper flare, not as long as she wanted out, "I'm sorry. I just. It's all hard," she explained. Dr. Easely forced a smile, "yes, transitions are typically hard. As I was explaining to your family, before you can be released we need to have you complete some testing so we can uncover your problem and get your body regulated to the medication that will help correct it." Donna nodded numbly, of course they wanted to throw meds at her, then she would just listen to their every command like a good little sheep.

Donna looked up at him, "so if I work hard at finishing everything I could get out earlier than a week," she questioned. The doctor glanced over at the Noble-Motts who looked hopeful, "yes. As long as you are open and honest with us and comply with our requests," he cautioned. It wasn't the worst news on the planet and made it a possibility for her to not be stuck her a week so she would take it, "yes," she replied. "I'm kind of tired," she confessed, "I think I'm going to nap," she said standing up making her way to her Gramps and giving him a good bye hug, then her Mum forced her way in for a hug too, "we love you and are just a phone call away. We'll visit tomorrow during hours," he promised as Sylvia tried to prevent herself from sobbing. It appeared that maybe she did actually care for her daughter, but Donna didn't want to think about that right now, she'd rather fall asleep in John's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Despite her wishing John did not return that night. It would be so much easier if she could control her visions, maybe it was the medication they gave her that made him disappear. Stuck in her room she wished the bloody technicians would stop coming by every fifteen minutes flashing the torch on her. She could hear them coming down the hall as he began to open her door, "yes I'm bloody in her and I'm still bloody breathing," she shouted annoyed at her lack of sleep. "Sorry," he mumbled closing her door all the way and leaving.

"Good morning Donna. My name is Brittany," a young perky dark haired girl cheered walking into her room, too cheerful for this time of the morning. Donna rolled over, "what time is it," she mumbled angrily. Brittany walked over to the side of her bed, "0600. Time for showers before breakfast. I have towels and shower supplies for you. You're on observations so either you can leave the bathroom cracked or count while in the shower," she explained how getting ready would work. Pulling the covers over her head the last thing she wanted was to get ready for anything, "do I have to shower? I did yesterday," she whined. Brittany sighed, "if you don't today then you have to tomorrow," she replied. Pushing her head into the pillow hoping to make the girl go away she grinned, "whatever, see you at breakfast," she growled waiting for the girl to leave.

Four checks later Brittany returned, "breakfast will be here any minute, care to join us in the cafeteria," she suggested. Rolling her eyes, Donna pushed the blanket off her sitting up. The last thing she wanted to do was be around the rest of the crazies but that's probably what they thought about her too. Walking to the cafeteria door she stood waiting for Brittany to unlock it and allow her in with the other patients. Sitting down at one of the tables Donna waited as they wheeled in a square metal box with doors. Opening it the technicians pulled trays placing them in front of the patients, taking one for each of themselves as well. Brittany placed a try in front of Donna, opting to sit next to her as she ate her own breakfast. "Plastic spoons? What you think we're to do with these," Donna squeaked in unbelief as the techs and patients watched her. Rolling her eyes she mentally chided herself, keep calm Donna. You have to get out of here, she reminded herself diving into her floppy cold pancakes. Other than the fact that they were cold, they didn't taste half bad. At least they had that going for them.

After being searched and all the plastic utensils counted they were led out of the cafeteria type room. The same doctor from last night approached her, "hello Donna. Are you ready for our session," he inquired. Donna placed a fake smile on her face, "yes," she responded following him into his office at the end of one of the halls. "Why don't you have a seat," he suggested. Donna obliged him, trying to be on her best behavior, especially since he was the one in charge of when and if she left. Doctor Easely sipped his tea, "do you know why you're here Donna," he inquired. Donna smiled leaning back to show him she was relaxed, "yes. There was a mix up. I accidently took too many pills when I was drinking. My migraine was so bad I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm not sure what happened after that as I was found outside unconscious. Thankfully in time to save my life," she breathed deeply. She would keep the part to herself that she was trying to be with John forever that night along with the fact that she wasn't very happy about her life being saved.

He frowned looking at the paperwork in his lap and jotting something down, "can you tell me about the cuts on your thighs Donna," he pushed. Licking her lips she allowed herself to become a bit teary eyed, "I sometimes get upset. It helps me when I'm upset," not so far from the truth. She was upset the first time she cut into her skin. Initially she had thought about lightly carving into her wrist repeatedly until she hit a vein. Truth be told she was worried she would bleed out and be found before it was too late. She needed release that day, she needed to know that she was real since everything else didn't seem it. It was so hard when the dreams started because they were so much better than reality. In her dreams Donna was everything, she traveled, was care free and most importantly happy. Gradually the cutting escalated as a way to feel something, anything. She enjoyed seeing the red seep from her skin and bead across the cut.

Looking up she noticed the Dr. Easely was staring at her, "Donna," he called. She smiled, "yes," she replied coming back to the present rather than her thoughts. He made a note on the paper, "I asked you about what causes you to be upset," he repeated. "Oh, sorry I was thinking about that. Sometimes it's my Mum, she can be a bit critical but Gramps makes that better. Most of it is just normal life things. Work, personal life or lack thereof, nothing special. I just get a bit overwhelmed sometimes," she told him as he made more notations. Dr. Easely was quiet for a while reading over something, "it says here there are reports that you've been seeing things," he paused, "have you also been hearing things," he asked. Donna sighed, there were "reports" meaning her Mum, Gramps and friends had let on. She couldn't deny it if he already knew, "yes I have been having odd visions. They started as just dreams but sometimes I do see them when I'm awake. I think they are just a side effect of my migraines," she supplied. The doctor looked at her oddly, "can you hear them," he pushed. Donna swallowed hard, "if you mean do I have full conversations with them, no. Do I hear them make noises or randomly say something, yes but a doctor said it could be a result of the migraines and my brain being under intense pressure," she pointed out. "From the information I have it says all the doctors you saw cleared you medically and suggested you go see someone for the mental portion of your pain and symptoms," he countered.

Damn he was good Donna thought, "yes. You're right. However, I haven't been able to yet. I know I should make it a priority but I guess I was just putting it off for a bit, until I had a stable job at one place," she told him. Goodness, they had been in here for nearly an hour she realized as he focused on the clock. "I have some questionnaires for you to complete. I need it as soon as you are done," he informed her handing Donna a packet and opening the door. This will be fun she thought mockingly looking at the paper as she walked to her room. Symptom inventory, it read, mark the box that correctly represents the amount of time you feel this way. Looking at the three main boxes, always, sometimes, never, they were separated into. Well this wouldn't be that hard. She had to look mostly normal but be somewhat honest so he didn't think she was completely lying.

Feeling depressed, no, not really. Irritable, angry or annoyed, yes, very. If only they would just fix her then she could go on her way. Then again now a days she seemed to be angry at the world. I wonder what could fix that, she wondered. Crying, eh, sometimes. Feeling guilty, nope. Hopeless, no, worthless, not when she was with John. John, she thought loosing herself in thoughts of him. She hadn't seen him since she arrived. Where could he be? If he was in her mind, which she had resolved herself to why couldn't she control when he would visit. Like now, she could use a hug now and one of his pep talks telling her how brilliant she was. Only when he said it did she believe it. Turning back to the paper, she looked at the next category, loss of interest in most pleasurable activities, she never really had any pleasurable activities but she didn't enjoy watching the telly like she used to. It all just seemed rather unimportant now. Compared to what she didn't know. Change in sleep pattern, no. Felling restless, yes. Maybe that's why she had begun jogging, something about running made her feel free, made her feel happy, like she was destined to run for the rest of her life. Hmm, loss of energy, no, not really unless right after a migraine or visions.

She sighed looking around at the other patients, a couple of them had tried to talk to her after breakfast but she would have none of it. Donna was determined not to make any friends here since she would be leaving soon, very soon if she had her way. Unable to think or concentrate, no problems with that, other than the memory issues. Moving on, she thought, thoughts of death. Oh crap, maybe I should skip that for now, thoughts of ending your life, or maybe she should answer them, looking ahead seeing plans to end your life as the next one. Shit. No, she couldn't answer these truthfully, never she marked. Hopefully the doctor wouldn't see through her facade. Pausing she thought about it, she didn't honestly have any plans to end her life presently. And now after seeing her Gramps and the way he looked at her she couldn't risk him finding her, or having to go through that.

Worrying the pen in her hand she moved on, forcing her attention on completing this assignment so she could be released. Feeling energized, no. Decreased need for sleep, I wish. Flight of ideas/racing thoughts, sometimes but didn't everyone go through that? Taking unusual risks, well what they didn't know they couldn't judge right? She would just keep that day she went to the bridge and stood on the railing to herself. Maybe if she could sneak off on her own after this she would do it again. Never had she felt so alive, so scared, so normal. Unable to stop talking, no, in fact she was keeping a lot inside lately. Panic attacks, thankfully not. Trembling, pounding heart, feeling nervous, avoiding people or crowded places, fear of social situations, never she noted.

Recurrent persistent thoughts, yes, John, and traveling with him, being held by him. Donna shook her head to rid herself of John, if he wasn't going to willing appear when she wanted him to he could bugger off. Repetitive behaviors or rituals, no. Excessive worry, isn't that normal when you have something wrong with you? Same with mind going blank, if her memory would just return that would be great. No, she didn't feel hyperactive or fidgety, she could sit still, and for the most part curb her urges to beat, injure or cause harm someone. Well, as good as before.

Pausing on the next question she was unsure how to answer. Dr. Easely knew enough to have her admit that she was hearing voices that other people cannot hear as well as seeing things that other people cannot see so she couldn't lie about that. But, she didn't need to admit how often either right? Although she needed to appear truthful, darn. Yes, she marked in the boxes. Thinking that someone else controls your thoughts? No, she wasn't crazy, or at least not that crazy, yet. Thinking that other people can read your thoughts, oh Lord, they really did see some serious nutters here. Moving on, receiving messages through radio/tv/songs billboards. Reading that line Donna was unable to stifle her laughter giggling uncontrollably. Nope thankfully, looking at the next one, have magical powers. Her laughter boomed throughout the quiet milieu causing other patients and technicians to watch her carefully. Realizing that they all thought she was as batty as the rest she calmed herself down not wanting to cause any more attention to be drawn to her.

Deep breaths, she thought, closing her eyes and relaxing herself. Looking back to the questionnaire she responded negatively to the previous questions. Do you feel that something serious is wrong with your body? Yes, could she answer that? Did it make her seem paranoid? But it was true. Donna was sure something was wrong, she just didn't know what. Fear of abandonment, unfortunately, everyone always leaves right? Even John. Chronic feelings of emptiness, no, she wouldn't have them thinking she was a danger to herself, even if her own mind was fighting her. Donna needed out and that question, just no. Coming to the last one she knew how she was to answer. They already knew by seeing the proof on her thighs, self harm by cutting/burning/other, yes, sometimes. Finishing up she took the papers to the nurse's station handing them in, "these are for Dr. Easely," she told them sliding them under the open part of the window. What did they thing the patients were going to do kill them all? Happy that she had finished her assignment Donna strode off to her room.


	4. Chapter 4

Wilfred Mott was a gentle soul, he was most known for his loyal heart. Once you friend he would support you through anything and be there for you until the end. It hurt him deeply to see his granddaughter in this much pain. Adjusting to life without the Doctor was one thing but this was something else, he knew better, this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. He had promised the Doctor never to tell Donna and he would keep to that but he knew the memory wipe wasn't working how the Doctor thought it would and if there was one thing he planned to do it was keep his Donna safe.

That morning before leaving the house he went to find his old uniform, quickly realizing he would not be able to squeeze himself into it, he settled for his best suit, taking the car he drove straight into downtown London. Parking he mustered up all the strength within him and marched into the Unified Intelligence Taskforce headquarters. However he didn't make it far being stopped at the entrance by a guard, "I'm here to see the Doctor. I know he works with you lot. He's been at my house. My granddaughter traveled with him. She's sick and she needs his help. He's the only one who can help," he demanded. The guard stood there unmoved, "we have many doctors which one do you need to see? Do you have an appointment," the guard careless asked. Wilf looked at his name tag trying to find out who to address, "Sergeant Lakecrest is it? I don't need to see a doctor I need to see the Doctor. I know he helped you with the Sontaran mess a few months back and with the Daleks too," he corrected the guard. At realizing what Wilf meant the guard's eyes widened in shock, "um. One moment sir," he paused stepping away and speaking into his radio, "we have someone here looking for the Doctor, over," he radioed met with silence.

Not more than a minute later Wilf saw a beautiful woman in a white coat approaching the entrance, "can I help you sir," she asked him after being saluted by the guard. Wilf took a deep breath ready to repeat everything again, "I'm here to see the Doctor. If he isn't here I know you lot can get a hold of him. My granddaughter traveled with him. She's sick. He's the only one who can make her better," he shortened his demands. She politely smiled, putting her hand out, "I'm Dr. Jones, why don't you come with me Mr.," she trailed off having not been introduced, "Mott. Wilfred Mott. You can call me Wilf," he informed her shaking her hand. "Okay, Lakecrest I'll take Mr. Mott from here," she said as he gave her a salute. Walking into the lobby Marta guided Wilf to a holding room sitting down at one side of the table, "Mr. Mott you said your granddaughter was ill and you need the Doctor to help her," she questioned. Wilf nodded, "yes. He brought her home the day those daleks came. He had to erase her memories since his mind was in her head," he explained.

Martha's mouth hung open, her jaw slightly trembling, "Donna," she whispered. Wilfed looked up blinking back the tears in his eyes, "you knew her?" Nodding Martha reached a hand across the table to comfort the old man, "I thought they were still traveling together. I didn't know," she trailed off, "wait why are you here? Is she remembering," Martha worried. "I think she might be. She has been seeing things. Wouldn't let on the difficulties she was having and everything got to be too much. She tried to kill herself," he trembled admitting what Donna had confessed to him without words. Martha gasped, "I'm so sorry," she paused searching his face, "but I don't know what the Doctor could do to help her." Sucking in a deep breath Wilf stared into her eyes, "he did this to her by taking her memories. I know it. She's in West London Mental Health. They think she has schizophrenia. I think she's just remembering them aliens," he suggested his hypothesis. Sitting there Martha mulled over what he said, "worst of all she is lost, drifting without him. I think she'll keep trying until she succeeds because she misses him. He made her better," Wilf croaked out his voice breaking. The reality of what he was telling her sunk in, without the Doctor's help Donna would die by her own hand. If this was due to him surely he would want to fix it, "let's go to my office. I can contact him from there," she offered standing and walking to the door.

Wilfred eagerly followed the young doctor over to the elevators and waited for them to reach the third floor as she led him to her office. He stood waiting as she went around her desk reaching for a cell phone out of one of the drawers and hit her speed dial. She listened as it continued to ring without answer, "oh come on," she scoffed into the phone. "Hello," he quietly answered, "Doctor, it's Martha we need you back on Earth," she announced. The whooshing of the TARDIS engine filled the room followed by a familiar door creek, "Martha Jones," he smiled hugging her, "nice office you have here," he observed looking around seeing Wilf in the corner, "oh my gosh Doctor you're a sight for sore eyes," Wilf smiled, "it's an honor to see you again," he saluted. The Doctor took a deep breath saluting Wilfred back, "I'm really rather busy you know," he trailed off looking to Martha. The last thing he wanted to do was reminisce, "we had some good times didn't we though? I mean all those Atmos things and planets in the sky and me with that paint gun," Wilf exhaled shakily, "it's Donna," he confessed. "What about Donna? Is she safe," the Doctor worried.

Wilfred eased himself into one of the chairs in front of Martha's desk as she looked on pained, "I'm sorry but I had to," he apologized as the Doctor's eyes widened, "can't you make her better," he questioned. Looking away the Doctor's body tightened, "stop it," he ordered. Pushing himself back up he rose his voice, "no, but you're so clever. Sometimes I see this look on her face like she's so sad but she can't remember why, she was better with you, all those wonderful things she did. Can't you bring her memory back," he pleaded. The Doctor shook his head, "if she ever remembers me her mind will burn and she will die," he reminded Wilfred, "she is dying," he yelled startling the Doctor who's lip trembled at the fear of a world without Donna.

Feeling as if the wind had just been knocked from him the Doctor collapsed into one of Martha's chairs, "what happened," he panted. "Donna's been seeing things. I think she's remembering her times with you," Wilfred suggested. The Doctor shook his head, that version of Donna is dead," he reassured them. "You're wrong," Wilf interjected, "she knows that something is missing, she just doesn't know what. She had horrible migraines and has seen every doctor possible but they said it's in her head. They think she's schizophrenic. Right now she is locked up in West London Mental Health for trying to kill herself and I think she'll try again," he blurted. The three of them sat in silence as Wilf wiped away the few tears that had come to his eyes, the Doctor refusing to meet either of their eye's wanting to hide the tears welling up in his own. His brilliant Donna was in so much pain, pain he caused, that she wanted to end her life. "I don't know what I can do," he finally admitted. They were back to square one, each of them racking their brains, "Doctor," Martha spoke up, "that time you told me about when Rose absorbed the heart of the TARDIS. You said it almost killed her," she trailed off. "Yes, it would have burned her if I hadn't saved her," he told her. Martha watched him waiting to see if he caught on, which he didn't, "and how did you do that?" Sighing he looked up at her, "I absorbed the energy of the TARDIS from her," he paused, "oh Martha! That's it! You're brilliant! I just need trigger the Time Lord consciousness in her and absorbed the energy before it burns her brain," he shouted excitedly bounding out of the chair.

Standing up shocked Martha brought him down a peg or two, "you can't just materialize the TARDIS inside West London Mental Health and take her," she reminded him, "what if it doesn't work as you plan," she queried. Pausing he looked between her and Wilf, "you're right," he conceded, "but, we have Wilfed Mott to help us out," he beamed. "Wilf, when is Donna being released," the Doctor questioned, "they said it could be up to a week," he informed them sadly. Martha held a finger up, "I can help out with that," she smiled, "we'll get her released under a seventy two hour hold so she'll be out tomorrow. Then bring her to UNIT and the Doctor can absorb the excess energy from her," Martha described. "Right then," the Doctor hopped up hugging them both, "I'll just pop ahead to tomorrow," he grinned. His Donna was going to be back.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a day since she last saw John. Donna didn't realize how much she needed him until he was gone. Without him she was empty and lost, drifting without purpose, even if he was a figment of her imagination he made her happy. Didn't she deserve happiness? If it was temporary, so what. There was only one thing that had changed since the last time she saw him, her medication.

Since arriving at West London Mental Health Donna had been encouraged to regularly take doses pills, in the morning, with every meal, at bed time. What she was taking, she had no clue, but the one thing she did know is she had never felt more tired in her life, or more alone. The technicians encouraged her to interact with the other patients but stubborn as she was Donna refused.

Lying in her bed at the end of her second day Donna was cradling herself like John used to. Nothing filled the emptiness and the only thing on her mind was her need for him. John's voice was like warm pecan pie straight from the oven, his smile caused butterflies to flutter across her skin and the way he loved her made her feel like anything was possible. She needed him like she needed to breathe. Even the memories of him were starting to fade, becoming just out of reach, no doubt also due to the medication.

Startled by a knock on the door followed by a nurse, Rebecca if she remembered right, entered her room, "good evening Donna. I have your night meds for you," she smiled walking over to her bedside. Shaking her head Donna rolled over to face her, "don't want them tonight. They make me feel nothing," she explained. Rebecca politely continued to smile, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Why don't you take them tonight and then you can talk with the doctor about your feelings in the morning," she suggested. Sitting up Donna glared the young nurse down, "no. I will not be taking any of these medications tonight," she growled. Frowning the nurse took a step back, "there isn't a choice in the matter unfortunately, like I said before you can talk to the doctor in the morning about the side effects you believe it is causing but," she paused lowering her voice before continuing, "if you don't willingly take them I'm afraid we will have to assist you in taking your medications." She threatened.

"I don't know what you're called when you're at home but I'm an adult and no one can force me to take anything or do anything I don't want to," she yelled as Rebecca continued to back from the room keeping her eyes on Donna who slammed the door upon being left alone. Rolling her eyes she lay back down on her bed pulling the white blanket with holes over her. Not even the blankets were comforting in this place she thought.

No knock came before the door opened this time, Donna glared at the nurse who had returned with another nurse, James, as well as a burley technician. James stepped in front of the other two, gaining her attention, "Donna, we can give you one more chance to take your medication willingly or we will have to assist you in taking them, I don't think you'll like our methods if we have to assist you," he informed her. She sat up watching the three of them, "I am in charge of my body. I know my rights. You can't make me do anything I don't want to," she bellowed as the closed in on her. James and the burly technician each took one arm, before she knew it Donna was against the wall bucking wildly trying to get out of their hold. She thrashed back and forth, trying to get close to one of them, which she did succeed in doing and quickly bit the technician. As he yelped the female nurse pulled the bottom of Donna's trousers down and injected her with a needle. As it stung her skin the world around her began to close, "take her to the quiet room," the nurse ordered as she was dragged from the room and locked in a pure white padded square.

Waking up Donna was unsure where she was, for a moment she thought that maybe she was in heaven or back in the library, "that's odd," she said aloud, "why would a library be all white." Shaking the random thought from her head she noticed the intense migraine beginning to build. Her face was all crunchy from dried tears she released during her sleep. Looking around she realized where she was, she was still in the loony bin, "let me out of here now," she yelled trying to stand up but having difficulty getting her legs to work. Seeing a technician come to the window she forced herself up, pushing up on the wall to keep herself from meeting the ground, "step back to the corner and we will open the door in fifteen minutes," the technician told her. "No, I won't. There was no reason for you to put me in here," she hollered but to no avail.

The technician just stood there watching her as she began to hit the window through which he looked, "oi! You can't do this to me! I'll have your job for this," she threatened. She could feel her breathing becoming rapid as her mind swelled with panic. She had no control over whether they would let her out or not and everything was circling her. Donna was crazy, she was stuck in a mental hospital, and she was seeing things. Before she knew she had slid to the ground and was digging into her skin. A thin red line finally was produced and like magic everything began to calm. She could focus on one thing at a time, she watched the blood trickle from her arm onto the white scrub bottoms she was wearing.

Suddenly, four other people were in the room with her. One took her arm, classifying it as a flesh wound and placing a bandage quickly on it once deeming it nonthreatening. Two others rolled her over pushing her into the ground while pricking her skin with another needle, "you need to keep calm Donna. Make it easier for us. We don't want to do this anymore than you want it to happen. Help us help you," the male voice soothed causing shivers to spread down her spine.

To say she didn't dream would have been an understatement. Donna was unsure she was laying unconscious in the room being monitored by video or how long her mind was foggy. She recalled someone looking at her and asking her questions, she thought it was her doctor but was unsure. It was so hard to keep her eyes open due to the extreme exhaustion she felt. At one point she had heard a commotion outside resulting in the door being opened but she was unable to remain conscious to see what they were going to do even if she felt like they were moving her. These drugs were just too good.

Unsure where she was when she opened her eyes this time Donna swore she was back in the hospital. The lulling sound of machines beeping and people working flooded in under the door. She could see people in scrubs and doctor's coats walking by and she thought she saw John. His hair not as spiky as usual and smile missing from his face but he was wearing his typical suit and she imagined it was paired with his white trainers. He looked in the window at her saddened, she was even a disappointment to her imaginary friend.

When she did wake her Mum and Gramps were in the darkened room anticipating her consciousness, "good morning," Wilf smiled at her. "Mornin," she replied, "why am I here," she asked confused. Smiling Sylvia took her daughter's hand, "your Gramps. He fought to get you moved. You were sedated and the doctor he has gotten you into ordered you here until the sedatives wore off. He wants you off all medication to see if you have the correct diagnosis," she explained. Donna rolled her eyes, "he doesn't need to. I know it is. I'm a nutter. I see things Mum," Donna confessed starting to cry, "I belong locked up," she croaked. Wilf sat forward, "no, no sweetheart. No. This doctor, he and his colleague are the best in the country, no best in the world. They don't think it's your mind, they believe something else is wrong with you, the same thing that's causing the migraines," he comforted. Donna reached for his hand, "promise," she wearily asked. Wilf nodded, "I would never lie to you about this Donna," he vowed looking up at his daughter whose worry was evident across her face.


	6. Chapter 6

Bounding out of the TARDIS the Doctor felt happier than he had in a long time, "allons-y," he cheered seeing Martha and Wilf waiting like they planned the day before, or a few hours ago for him. He paused seeing their grim faces, "what is it? What's wrong," he questioned. Martha took a deep breath approaching the Doctor, "Donna refused to take her medication last night and became agitated. They had to restrain and seclude her to keep others safe," she reported. His face sunk in confusion, "Donna isn't dangerous, she just likes to be heard," he defended her.

She placed her hand soothingly on his shoulder, "we know that but they believe she is schizophrenic. Schizophrenics can become violent due to their delusions, it was mostly precautionary. However, we won't be able to get her out for a few more hours since she's been sedated most the night. It will need time to wear off," she explained. The Doctor nodded collapsing in the chair, "did you tell Sylvia," the Doctor interrogated. Wilf forced a chuckle, "I may be old but I'm not that batty yet," he paused realizing what he had said shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I really am," the Doctor apologized, "if I had known," he trailed off. Wilf looked up patting the Doctor's hand, "I know you wouldn't have hurt her intentionally. You thought you were saving her," he consoled the Doctor.

Waiting was never one of the Doctor's strong holds. Especially when he wanted something as badly as he wanted to see Donna again. Bouncing around the room he tried to contain his energy, but he also wanted to pop forward to the future too. More than all of that he wanted Donna back. It was the Doctor's enhanced hearing that picked up the signal of Wilf's cell phone before it began to ring, "hullo," he answered after fishing it from his trouser pocket, "oh. Oh no," he paused, "Sylvia, I'll take care of it. Get some clothes for her ready and meet us there. We can't let them hurt her anymore," he declared looking up with tears in his eyes. "What is it," the Doctor worried. Wilf closed his phone taking a shaky breath, "we have to get Donna out of there. They restrained and sedated her again. She was self harming. You have to fix her mind now," he pleaded.

Martha took a step forward, "I can use my clearance and his psychic paper to get her transferred back to the hospital." "Yes, we will need the drugs out of her system to ensure everything works smoothly. Well, as smoothly as I hope," the Doctor interrupted, "shall we take the TARDIS," he asked. Martha smiled at him, "as much as I would love another trip in the old girl, what would we look like showing up in a blue box?" He nodded understanding, "we'll take one of UNIT's trucks then," he conceded tossing his long brown coat into the TARDIS and locking her just in case.

"Hello," he greeted the secretary while walking through the two sets of double doors into West London Mental Health. He marched directly to the desk followed by Martha and Wilf, "I'm Doctor Smith and this is doctor Jones, we are here about Donna Noble. We have all the paperwork necessary to transfer her to the hospital. This is Wilfred Mott her grandfather, he has hired us to take over her private care," he explained to the young blonde woman. She rummaged through a notebook, opening to a blank page, "if you three could sign in while I contact the unit manager that they may discuss this further with you," she said picking up the phone. "Shultz, hello, I have two doctors requesting that Donna Noble be released under their care," she paused listening to the woman on the other line, "yes it appears so. Yes, okay, I will explain that to them," she replied hanging up.

"Shultz is the head of the unit where Ms. Noble is residing, she will be down in a few moments to take you to see her. Can I get you to sign these confidentiality waivers," she smiled handing each one of them a paper. The Doctor grinned reminiscing of the time he and Donna had ripped up the clauses they were handed at the library. He would have done the same thing here but her life was at stake, now was not the time for fun and games. The Doctor signed, John Smith, in is perfect penmanship handing the form back. Wilf took a seat on the nearby couch while they waited as the Doctor bounced around eagerly waiting to see Donna, the saw a tall thin woman approach the receptionist before turning to face them, "hi, are you the ones here about Donna Nobel," she questioned. The Doctor hurried over to her in two steps, "yes, I am doctor Smith and this is doctor Jones, we would like her care transferred to us immediately as her family has hired us to treat her."

She looked him and the young doctor over before nodding slowly, "as long as your paperwork is in order I don't see anything wrong with that. We can have her files prepared immediately for you. However, there is one slight interruption, she is still being secluded." "Still," Martha interrupted pushing past the Doctor, "take us to her this instant. I need to check the well being of my patient," she demanded. Shultz backed up forcing a smile on her face, "I assure you she is quite comfortable as we are doing everything in our power to help her recover," she offered. Martha huffed obviously irritated with the type of conditions Donna was being kept in. She knew all too well the state of psychiatric medical care, how the individuals house in mental health centers like this one were treated like second class citizens, having their rights stripped away and forced to undergo whatever their guardians mandated they needed. How many other of them had medical issues leading to their mental breaks but wouldn't be able to recover because they didn't have an advocate in their corner fighting for them?

Winding down the hall, through many locked down doors and around many corners they finally reached the acute unit, for those with the most need. The unit appeared desolate, most patients opting to remain in their room, the technicians and nurses looking in on them via checks and the camera stationed throughout the building. Seeing the door she was behind the Doctor cautiously approached it fearful about so many thing, if she saw him, how bad she was, remaining professional. Peeking through the window his stomach lurched, Donna was curled into a ball obviously skinnier and paler skin than the last time he had laid eyes on her.

"Oh Donna," the Doctor whispered seeing her curled into the fetal position. He turned to Shultz, "Open the door," the Doctor growled, "I want her out of there now or you will find yourselves very unhappy," his voice crescendoed as he threatened. Martha stepped forward placing a hand on his arm, "what my partner here meant is we would like to access our patient before we move her. We will be taking here just as soon as she is safe to move," she told them flatly. Begrudgingly Shultz nodded to the technician who approached with a key and badge, unlocking the door then opening the handle. Martha squeezed the Doctor's arm keeping him back as they slowly walked into the seclusion room, "Donna, Donna can you hear me," he begged lightly stroking her face as Martha removed a penlight from her coat checking Donna's pupils.

Turning to the overlooking nurse Martha produced a pen and paper from her pocket, "what was she given," she questioned. The Nurse flipped through the chart, "haldol and klonopin. Last does an hour ago when she was self harming," the nurse informed them. Looking at the panic across the Doctor's face Martha stood up, "we would like her discharge paperwork. She'll be under our care now, if you could have some techs assist us in getting Ms. Noble to our car that would be appreciated," Martha ordered. Shultz nodded beeping herself into the nurse's station, sitting down at a computer. Kneeling by his side again, Martha placed her hand on his arm to get his attention, "she'll be fine. It'll take a day for the medications to be clear of her system," she comforted. He swallowed hard standing up, "I will make it right to you Donna," he promised walking from the room.

Minutes later Shultz returned with a stack of papers for Wilfred, Martha and the Doctor to sign, taking responsibility for Donna. Two techs waited idly with a wheel chair helping Donna shift into the chair for her trip to the car. Thankfully, the four of them made their way out of the building with no glitches, for once the Doctor's plan went along fine, maybe because it was actually Martha's plan after all. Getting into the car the Doctor helped the techs transfer Donna in so she was next to him, automatically she melted into his side as he put his arm around her. He smiled at his ginger friend, she looked so tired and worn out, both of which he had caused.

When they got to the hospital the Doctor wasn't going to let anyone else touch Donna that didn't have to. She had been subjected to enough as it was and he was going to ensure he put off any other unnecessary involvement. Picking her up from the car Donna snuggled into his chest, grasping his shirt with one hand as the other dangled between the Doctor's arm and body lightly caressing his leg as he walked. He quickly noticed that Martha was in her element at the hospital, ordering nurses and fellows around as they brought out a bed for Donna. He carefully laid her onto the bed, her ginger hair flying about as they took her up to her room, "I want to start her on an iv just to help the process," she explained. The Doctor nodded, not letting go of Donna's hand. He had forgotten how well their hands fit together and now he didn't want to give it up.

After beginning the iv in Donna's arm Martha checked her over again to ensure she was okay. Making her way to the recent self harm she stopped just shy of removing the bandage, "I want to," the Doctor paused taking a deep breath, "I need to see them," he told her. Looking up at the saddened expression on his face Martha didn't think it would help anything, "I think it would be only more harmful," she suggested. The Doctor looked up at her pleadingly, "please I need to," he sighed. Feeling for her friend in his simple request she carefully removed the bandage exposing Donna's cuts. His finger he carefully traced the circular marks that he knew so well, "how could I have been so wrong," he whispered picking her wrist up, placing his lips on to the marred skin. "What is it Doctor," Martha quietly asked, he looked up with what she would have said were tears in his eyes if he was any other man, but in a blink they were gone, "it's circular gallifreyian," he answered truthfully not adding the significance of the word she chose, a word that only few knew, so few that Donna was the last one living to know his true name.

In that moment he realized not only what he took from her but what he took from himself. She truly was his best friend, the one person who knew everything but did not judge him, only wanted to help him and what had he done to her? Reduced her to nothing. No, he didn't even do that right because the Time Lord consciousness was in there fighting her, this whole time. After he restored her memories Donna would have every reason to be angry with him for going against her wishes and he would owe her years of his life to make up for it. He felt like the world was closing in on him, feeling as if his respiratory bypass system was about to kick in the Doctor jumped up hurrying outside of the suffocating room. Dressing Donna's wound Martha kept an eye on the distraught Time Lord. Meeting him in the hall she watched as he looked longingly at her, "Doctor, are you and Donna more than friends," she inquired. He gazed over at Martha appalled, "we're just mates," he replied. Even if she knew his name now, when he removed his consciousness from her they would no longer share that. To be honest, he wasn't sure which was worse.

The fear inside him escalated at seeing Wilf with Sylvia in tow coming down the hall. He expected to be slapped; she had every right, as he was sure Donna would give him a few once he restored her. Instead, Sylvia stood there looking over him, "can you save her," she asked. The Doctor frowned, not wanting to lie to them, "yes," he paused, "I have to try. I can't leave her like this," he explained looking through the window at her. Sylvia nodded, "okay then," she agreed tiredly like all her fight was gone. "I need to go," he interrupted, "I can feel her consciousness, she's about to wake," he informed them walking down from where they had just come. He turned around just in time to see Wilfred and Sylvia enter Donna's room.


	7. Chapter 7

So here she was sitting alone in the waiting room. Her Mum and Gramps had begged to come with her but she had been coddled enough after her release from the hospital. She was thankful that they only held her for seventy two hours, but was worried when they simply released her stating that she was under Sylvia's guardianship and had to report to her new doctor within twenty four hours. Donna wasn't even surprised to find her treasures back in her old room; of course her Mum wouldn't take long to move her daughter back under her. What bugged her most was that she couldn't even take a bath without being interrupted. Like she would off herself in their house when her Mum and Gramps could find her. Thankfully the doctors had only given her more pain pills, rather than whatever they had forced her to take over the last few days. However, to her dismay, John still hadn't reappeared.

"Miss Noble," a young blonde nurse called into the room. Donna stood straightening her purple shirt over her jeans, "yes," she replied walking to the door and following the nurse into a room, "just have a seat on the exam table, you can go ahead and lie back the doctor's will be here shortly," the nurse told closing the door as she left. Donna looked around at the stark white room, not too unfamiliar from where they took her, she shook the memory from her head forcing the shivers at bay as a knock startled her from outside. Slowly the door opened and she was faced with two doctors, one obviously younger than the other, "hello," the female greeted, "doctor Martha Jones," she smiled shaking Donna's hand as Donna looked to the male, "doctor John Smith," he beamed holding his hand out next. "No," Donna shouted pushing herself off the table and into the corner, "you're not real," she cried. Martha looked to the Doctor confused as Donna cowered in the corner, the Doctor's smile faded immediately taking everything within him not to go to her. Martha slowly crouched to Donna's level trying not to spook her more than she already was "what's wrong," she asked quietly. Donna closed her eyes opening them again, "I'm having another one," she sobbed, "gramps said you knew I wasn't crazy but I'm seeing him again," she blurted between heavy breaths.

Looking up at the Doctor for help Martha was unsure what to do, but his face was horror stricken, "who are you seeing," she questioned lightly. Donna shook her head as if it were an etch a sketch and he would vanish before her eyes, "John," she whispered, "I see a man in a brown pinstripe suit but he isn't there," she quivered. Hearing this broke his hearts, he took a step back stooping down in the same way he'd seen Martha, "Donna, I'm real," he calmly spoke. She covered her ears, "he's trying to convince me that he's really here again," she divulged as the Doctor began to speak again. Martha held her hand up, interrupting him before he got a word out, "how often do you see him," she pushed. Opening her eyes, for the first time ever she hoped he would be gone, "almost every day before they found me. I haven't seen him since my first night in the mental hospital," she whimpered. Martha frowned glancing back at the Doctor, "and he looked just like that man by the door," she clarified. Donna's mouth gaped open as hope flickered through her, "you mean you can see him," she said shaking. Forcing a smile on her face Martha nodded, "yes, that is my partner, Doctor John Smith," she offered. "And you really know my Gramps," Donna inquired of him. He took a shaky breath, "yes. We're both into astronomy," he replied. Licking her lips she watched him carefully, "I met you before. On the day of the pepper pots," she hinted hoping it was real. "Yes, I was there," he confirmed.

Sighing deeply Donna started to push herself up using the wall, "so I'm only half crazy then. I took a real person and made him into a figment of my imagination. Great," she scoffed. Martha tried to meet his eyes but he wouldn't look at either them as his guilt became overwhelming, "can I examine you," he finally spoke. Donna softly smiled, "yeah," she told him lying down onto the table. Watching her do as she was told the Doctor felt pained, his Donna would never aimlessly listen to orders, "okay," he said approaching her, "I'm going to examine your head," he softly said trying not to disturb her as he gently placed a hand on either side of her temple. Her eyes shined gold below him, "Doctor," she whispered. "Do you know what's happening," he asked wishing to see the calming blue of her eyes again, "yeah," she struggled to reply, "I can see everything," she paused, "all that is, all that was and all that ever could be." Stung by hearing Rose's words echoed back to him in a situation not so different than the first time he pushed through, leaning to her, he wrapped his fingers in Donna's ginger locks, meeting their lips. He could feel Donna' hand thread through his hair as he pulled back seeing her bright smile, "trying to save my life with a kiss eh," she grinned momentarily. Her lip quivered as a tear escaped, "my head, oh my head, my head," she cried reaching for it, "Doctor please, don't make me," she begged.

His smile softened, "I know love, its okay. Let it go," he instructed noticing the gold surrounding her. Donna reached up trailing her hand down the Doctor's face, "goodbye," she whispered as her hand dropped and eyes closed. "No, no, no, please no," he cried gathering her in his arms. Holding her limp body struck him like no other death had, she had helped him move on from so much she had become the person he looked forward to seeing every morning as he bound into the TARDIS kitchen, the hand that he reached for, "oh Donna I am so sorry." Martha hurried to her side pulling out a stethoscope, checking for signs of life as the Doctor backed away broken. Unable to find a pulse she finally looked up giving him a slight head shake confirming what his hearts already knew.

The Doctor stood ridged at the end of the exam table staring at Donna's dead body, "this can't be the end," he whispered as his hands began to glow with shimmering light, "Doctor," Martha called, "what are you doing?" Ignoring her question he walked closer to Donna, as the golden light grew in abundance. He leaned in delicately cradling her head as she breathed in air, "Doctor," she gasped, "no," she whispered. He leaned in meeting his thin lips to her ample ones again as bright golden light surrounded them forcing Martha to look away.


	8. Chapter 8

When the light disappeared the Doctor was slumped over Donna's body, Martha quickly made her way to help him. Only once she reached his side did she notice Donna's eyes were open and she was breathing, "Donna," she exclaimed shocked, "what's wrong with him," Donna croaked, her throat dry. Turning her attention back to the Doctor Martha noticed he was still unconscious, she checked his wrist to find he did have a pulse but it was weak. Allowing his body to slump onto the ground she pulled her stethoscope back out checking his hearts, which thankfully were both beating. Going to the door she poked her head out, "can I get some help in here," she hollered returning to the Doctor's side. Two UNIT soldiers arrived in mere seconds, "I need to get him to another room," she told them.

Donna stood up starting to follow them, "you stay here you need your rest," Martha instructed. Shooting a glare at her Donna opened her mouth to protest, "if you think that I'm leaving the side of the man who just saved my life you have another thing coming," she growled causing Martha to smile, "nice to see you're back to your old self," she said as the two burst into giggles. The soldiers had the Doctor on an exam table when the two entered the room, "what happened," Martha asked Donna. She frowned, "what do you mean? One minute I was burning then I wasn't. Didn't he fix my mind," she questioned. Pausing Martha looked to see if she was joking; upon realizing she wasn't Martha clued her in, "you died. Your heart stopped then he went over and there was this gold light. Next thing he was unconscious and you're breathing again."

Walking over to him she took his hand interlacing their fingers, "oh you daft alien what did you do now," she frowned. "I saved my best mate," he said hoarsely opening his eyes with a smile spreading across his face. Donna looked down at him pulling her hand from his and slapped his arm, "I said no but you took all my memories," she scolded. The Doctor's smile brightened at having his Donna back, "it was that or you die," he protested. Donna shook her head, "well I have them now and am alive. Couldn't you have worked faster," she smiled. He reached out taking her hand, "how do you feel," he questioned. "My brains aren't burning up if that's what you're asking," she rolled her eyes. Quietness hung in the air as Martha checked him over, "I don't understand what happened," she finally said breaking the silence. He sat up bounding with energy, "oh, that's weird," he paused, "what is," Donna inquired. Martha stepped up, "do you know why you passed out," she pushed, "after you fixed Donna you became unconscious." The Doctor looked to Martha, "I can feel my mortality," he softly mumbled. "Your what," Donna shot, "you can't die," she claimed confused. The Doctor licked his lips, "well," he began, "that was true until I used my regenerations up on you," he explained. Donna slapped him, "oi, what was that for," he gripped soothing his cheek with his hand, "you did what," she yelled stepping back from him.

Donna bawled her fists up in anger at what he had done for her, "you're human," she accused, "no, that's gross" he boomed with distain, "oi," she yelled slapping his arm, "watch it," she chastised him. "I still have a binary vascular system," he offered, "but you're right in the sense that I can die now." He edged closer to where Donna had retreated to again, "look at me," he requested to no avail, "Donna, look at me please," he begged placing his hand on her chin tilting her face to meet his eyes, "I saved you. That's all that matters," he promised. "I'm just a temp from Chiswick," she fretted, "nothing important like a Time Lord," she muttered. Frowning the Doctor ran his thumb across the line of her bottom lip, "nonsense. You're brilliant. You're the most important woman in the universe," he revealed. Watching this exchange between the two, Martha had never seen the Doctor be this intimate with anyone, except for Joan, he and Donna couldn't just be friends she thought quietly, deciding to excuse herself from the room to give them privacy.

"So, who are you traveling with now a days," Donna interrogated, changing the subject. He quickly looked away dropping his hand, "no one. I'm traveling alone. I thought it'd be better alone," he paused letting out a shaky breath, "but it wasn't. I need you. I've missed you. I want you to stay," he begged looking into her blue eyes. Donna couldn't pretend she was going to say no even if she tried, "if you think you can get rid of me that easily spaceman," she laughed tussling his brown hair then slapping his arm again, "oi," he fretted, "and if you think I'm done slapping you for taking my memories you have another thing coming," she giggled suddenly becoming serious, "I was going to be with you forever," she trailed off, "I know," he supplied, "now you can." Donna shook her head, "you can get hurt and die," she said putting a name to her fear. The Doctor pulled her into a hug, "you can too but that never stopped you," he laughed. She wretched in pain as he touched her wrist while loosening their hug, "what is it," he worried, Donna shook her head, "nothing," she replied. Ducking his head down to look in her eyes he caught her gaze, "Donna," he said urging her to tell him what was wrong, "tis nothing. Just my wrist," she mumbled. He looked down at the bandage, "do you remember what you felt," he quizzed. Donna nodded sitting on the edge of the bed, "yea. Can we not talk about it," she pushed back. Sitting next to her the Doctor's hand met hers, "I'm sorry Donna. You shouldn't have had to feel that way," he apologized.

She shook her head trying to hide the tears that threatened to betray her. Tracing the lines of the bandage the Doctor stopped her nervous fidgeting by placing his hand over hers, "you can have a look. It should be healed, no sign it was ever there," he comforted. Swallowing hard she looked up, "really," she questioned. "Yep, the regeneration energy should have mended you," he confirmed. She looked back down to the bandage tracing circles, "but I'll still remember," she uttered as her body gave a shiver. "Donna, what are you doing," the Doctor barked sternly, "hmmm," she asked looking up startled. He pointed to her finger delicately moving in circles, "that, why are you doing that," he questioned. "I don't know, it's comforting. I used to do it all the time whenever I missed you," she paused, "well when I missed John," she supplemented. He watched her continue to trace those familiar circles, "do you know what it is your writing," he asked. Donna looked up, "it's Gallifeyian isn't it," she said, "how do you," the Doctor trailed off in disbelief. Donna shook her head at her daft alien, "well it's all circular on your post it notes everywhere on the TARDIS," she explained.

The Doctor's hearts sank, "do you know what it means," he pushed. Donna stilled her hand looking into his soul, "it's you isn't it," she said unabashed "you're the only one who calms me like this so I reckon it has to be your name," her eyes widened in realization of what she had just said. "How do I know? How do I remember," she squeaked, "oh god I'm not alien am I?" The doctors hearts leapt at the thought that maybe just maybe he was no longer the last of the time lords that something had happened pulling his stethoscope out checking her chest, frowning he shoved it back in his pocket, "no, one heart," he told her. "Phew," she blew out relaxing. Sitting there in silence Donna looked up at him, he was staring out the window, his mind obviously elsewhere, "how do I know this isn't just a hallucination," she whispered just audible enough for his Time Lord ears to hear. Removing his hands from his pockets he walked over to her taking her hands in his, "Donna, I promise it isn't," he vowed. Standing up she slipped her hands from his, placing them on his chest then smiled, "John only had one heart," she revealed. He tucked a ginger curl behind her ear, "I'm so sorry Donna. If I had known." "What? If you had known what would you have done? Let me die? I don't think so. You still would have wiped my memories and say this was some type of fixed event. I know you better than you think spaceman," she interrupted giving him another smack for good measure.

Rubbing his arm he feigned hurt, "you ought to be careful now, what if you accidently kill me," he joked. Donna stood still, "will you age and grow old like human version of you," she asked. The Doctor sighed, "yes," he replied as Donna engulfed him in a hug, "I don't know how to thank you," she cried. He hugged her back smiling, "It's not the first time I tried to give myself for you," he let slip. "What," she shouted pulling back, "Doctor what are you talking about," she inquired. Running his hand through his spiky brown hair the Doctor looked away from her gaze, "well, back in the Library I was going to but River stepped in," he confessed, "I just couldn't be in a world where you weren't," he admitted. "But I'm nothing special," Donna said shocked, "oh but Donna you are," he reproached, "why can't you see that?" The similarity between their conversation and the one she'd had with his duplicate made her shiver, "what is it," he question noticing her goose bumps, "nothing," she dismissed pulling away from him.

A knock on the door startled the both of them as Martha popped her head in, "Martha," the Doctor chirped, "when did you get out there," he asked having not noticed when she left the room. She rolled her eyes, "nice to know I was missed," she laughed, "I know you two are catching up but your Mum is here," she told Donna. "Go on then," the Doctor urged. Donna raised an eyebrow at him, "you think you're getting out of seeing her that easy spaceman," she shot, "welcome to the domestic life. Time to start taking things slow," she smiled pulling him along by his arm, "but," he protested without hope.

Entering the waiting room again she saw her Gramps and Mum worried, "Gramps," she cheered throwing her arms around his neck, "thanks," she said holding him tight, "I know this daft alien didn't think of this all on his own." "Hey," the Doctor objected when surprisingly he was pulled into a hug by Sylvia, "thank you for saving my daughter," she praised letting go and moving onto Donna. Wilfred held his hand out to shake the Doctor's causing the Doctor to smile, "I should be the one thanking you. If you hadn't found Martha," he trailed off. Wilf patted him on the shoulder, "let's not worry about what could have happened," he comforted the Doctor. Donna strolled back next to him interlacing her fingers with his, he looked down at their hands, a perfect fit, he thought happily until the bandage on Donna's arm caught his eye, "you know you can take the bandage off," he suggested. Dropping his hand he lightly caressed the bandage pulling her sleeve down to cover it. "What," he began but was deterred by Donna's quick shake of her head and whisper, "now's not the time spaceman."


	9. Chapter 9

Yes, the domestic life was slower than he was used to, including the car rides, why they overruled his idea to use the TARDIS he'd never understand but the car ride to the Noble-Mott residence wasn't as bad as he thought it'd be, plus it was far roomier than the last time he was in a Noble's car. Sylvia was surprisingly pleasant to be around if you had just saved her daughter, offering tea and even smiling. It also turned out that she was a mighty fine cook, even if Donna had not inherited her skills in the kitchen. Watching the Doctor stuff his mouth full of the lasagna she had prepared Sylvia looked over to Donna, "is he always like this," she asked. Rolling her eyes she looked to the Time Lord sitting to her right, "yeah. He loves food. Good thing you don't have bananas or he'd have eaten them all too," she giggled as he looked up feigning hurt. Sylvia took the now empty plate from before him, "why don't you three go watch some telly while I clean these," she suggested. Donna stood up hugging her Mum before curling up on the couch next to him.

The Doctor could see that although Donna's relationship with her Mother was strained there was still a deep love between the two of them. In fact he couldn't keep his eyes off Donna or that gorgeous smile of hers. The comfort of having Donna's head on his shoulder while they watched telly and he discussed the planets with Wilf was eerily pleasant. Even when he began nodding off rather than admit that he was tired, which he refused to do even on his best days, he would rather force himself awake for this. "Come on spaceman," Donna softly cooed in his ear, "you look tired," she laughed. "No, no, not tired just relaxing," he corrected her. Rolling her eyes she pulled him off the sofa to a standing position, letting go of his hand she hugged her Gramps giving him a kiss on the cheek then gave Sylvia a hug before returning to the Doctor's side. Reaching for his hand she led him upstairs handing him an old pair of her Dad's striped pajamas, "will this do for tonight," she asked hopeful. He stood looking at her confused, "for what," he questioned. Donna sighed, "to sleep in dumbo. It's a bit late to get back into UNIT and get the TARDIS unless you plan to sleep in your suit. Which don't lie we both know you haven't changed it in way to long and it could use a good washing," she chastised. He smirked, "yes these will do," he replied. "Good go get changed in the bathroom," she pointed to the open door in the hallway.

Closing the door she couldn't believe how thick he could be, for a 900 year old alien he really was rather clueless. She pulled out her favorite pair of turquoise pajamas, only then realizing that they had been on the TARDIS with everything else of hers, after the Doctor brought her home he or the TARDIS took the time to pack her things up making sure she didn't go without. She shook the thought from her mind trying to prevent herself from getting weepy. "Donna," she heard his familiar whine through the door as he burst in, "eyes," she shouted trying to cover herself. "I'm, I'm, I'm sorry," he stuttered turning around flushing pink. Thankfully all he caught was a glimpse of her bra and stomach, "do you ever knock," she scolded. "Okay, I'm decent," she told him finishing pulling down her t-shirt. He turned around back onto his previous tangent, "Donna, you know I don't sleep, where I am going to lie," he questioned as she walked over to her bed turning down the covers and getting in. She patted the spot next to her, "right here," she answered simply causing his mouth to drop open, "oh come on. It isn't like this is the first time we've shared a bed you prawn," she growled. Softening her voice she added, "I just, it would be nice to have you near, I've missed you," she told him, "and don't let that go to your head," she warned seeing the grin spread across his face.

Crawling into bed next to her, the Doctor faced her, he had missed seeing her face around and it was good to be close to her even if she was making him sleep, "it will take me longer to fall asleep than you, Time Lord chemistry and all. Besides I'm not tired," he told her. Donna snuggled into her pillow after turning the side lamp off, "you keep telling yourself that spaceman," she chuckled realizing that he had already fallen asleep once she could hear his soft snoring. She lay in the bed as the clock ticked by unable to sleep, scared to sleep. What if this was just a hallucination and when she woke up she'd be back in West London. Staring at his sleeping face the fear finally got to her. Reaching out she gently placed her hand on his chest, feeling the pulse of his two hearts, "hmpf," the Doctor stirred opening his eyes, "hello," he smiled seeing her blue eyes. "What's wrong," he worried seeing tears forming in her eyes, "I'm sorry," she apologized, "I had to make sure that you were real," she whispered. Saddened that he caused this terror in his best friend the Doctor sighed catching sight of her still bandaged arm. Carefully he reached for her wrist, taking it in his hand, "why is the bandage still on," he questioned.

Donna's breathing quickened into short bursts as her chin began to tremble, "what is it," he urged quietly seeing the distress she was in. "If it's not there this is real," she broke, "and if it is, this isn't. You aren't real. I don't know if I'll be able to survive if you aren't," she sobbed. He reached his other hand over lightly stroking down her face while keeping a grip on her wrist, "shh, it's okay," he soothed, "what don't you think you can survive," he pushed as tears flooded from her eyes. Shutting her eyes to stop the stream of tears she took a deep breath before opening them again, "I don't know that I will survive myself," she confessed and in that moment he understood. "Oh Donna," he gasped, "I promise this is real. I promise I am here and I promise I will never willingly leave you again. You promised me forever," he reminded her. "Let me," he offered waiting for her permission.

Finally she nodded and he brought her arm from his chest turning the bottom of her wrist upright, he waited looking to her for permission to proceed which she granted with another nod. Delicately he began unstitching the tape around the four sides until only the bandage was touching her skin, "wait," her voice croaked. She scooted closer to him until they were nose to nose, staring into his chocolate eyes, watching the way his hair stood on end, the lines of his face. Placing a hand against his chest again she closed her own eyes memorizing his patterned beat against her palm, "what are you doing," he finally queried. Donna offered him a smile, "I don't want to forget you," she explained, "even if this isn't real I don't want to forget the way you make me feel," she sighed. "How is that," the Doctor wondered aloud. Leaning in closer to him until she could feel his breath dance across her skin Donna cleared her throat, "like I am the only woman in the world," she divulged closing the small gap between them and taking his lips with her own. Grinning at the Doctor's dumbfounded expression as she moved back she looked down to her wrist in his hands, "now," she ordered him before closing her eyes.

Coming back from the edge as everything was spinning around him, he did as instructed. Removing the white gauze he looked down on the perfectly smooth unmarked skin, bringing his lips to it like he had the day before upon seeing his name there he kissed her wrist, causing her eyes to flutter open. The Doctor slowly turned it so she could see the absence of his name and although it pained him inside see the happiness of him being gone from her body he couldn't focus on the sad because Donna finally knew she was where she belonged. Taking him by surprise she embraced him, as he tightened his arms protectively around her murmuring, "you are so loved," repeatedly into her hair. Donna cried into his chest, overcome with relief as he held her letting her take as long as she needed.

Hours later she woke to the double beats of the Doctor's heart, "good morning," he greeted as she gained her bearings. "Morning," she smiled gazing into his eyes, unable to wipe the smile from her face. They had shared a bed before but never in this close proximity, "you held me the whole night," she questioned in disbelief. Quickly the Doctor let go of her, "I'm sorry. I thought you were okay with it. I thought you wanted it," he stuttered, "well, not like that. I mean comfort. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he added weary of getting slapped. She held her finger up stopping his crazed mutterings, "tis fine, just a little surprising. What time is it? I bet you'd love some pancakes," she hinted rolling out of bed. She stood up pulling her hair into a ponytail as he watched on, realizing how he had missed seeing Donna do something so simple as that and the way it made him feel, "what," she shot noticing his staring. The Doctor came from his thoughts, "just watching you," he supplied. Rolling her eyes she smoothed her hair back, "what do I have a piece sticking out," she asked worried. Sitting up the Doctor shook his head, "no. Just. Do you know how beautiful you are," he blurted.

Donna's mouth gaped open as her eyes widened, "have you never been told that," he pondered aloud as she took a shaky breath. Subconsciously trailing her finger in a circular motion on her wrist Donna looked down, worried she would see the scar but it wasn't there, this wasn't John, it was the Doctor and he had really just said that. Just then there was a knock at the door, "what is it with everyone knocking on bloody doors," she shouted hearing Wilf mutter, "sorry," on the other side of the door. "I just want a mate," she repeated his words from so long ago back to him, "yep. Okay, if that's what you want," he sighed standing up, "no. That's what you said," she declared. The Doctor strode over to her, rolling his tongue between his teeth, standing mere inches from her, "you said you couldn't travel with me, live the kind of life I live, that I scare you to death," he tempted grinning childishly. "Don't," she admonished, "you're just confused. I gave up on that life a long time ago," she confessed. He took her hands in his, "I am not confused Donna and you shouldn't have to give up on what you want most to be with me," he said. Stepping back from him she watched his eyes, the way they looked at her the same as always, "you can die. That changes a person. You don't do domestic," she assured. He closed the gap she had created, "you showed me that people can change," he protested, "you're an alien," she sputtered trying to keep her wits about her. "Yep, one that only has one life left to live," he grinned. Donna glared at him, "don't think recycled lines will work on me spaceman," she growled.

The Doctor raised his hands in mercy stepping back worried about an oncoming slap, "I didn't mean to." Donna frowned, "yeah you did. I'm not Rose," she sighed. "This has nothing to do with Rose. Why do you do that? Always comparing yourself to others like you don't matter," he raised his voice allowing the oncoming storm to peek through, "you are so much more Donna. Why can't you see that?" She licked her lips not meeting his eyes, "you're not special. You're not powerful. You're not connected. You're not clever. You're not important," she echoed his words back to him breaking both his hearts in the process. Letting out a huff of air the Doctor sunk onto her bed, "is that what this is about? I wish I could take those words back. I've hated myself every day since I said them to you. But look at all you have done Donna," he intoned. She stared at the ground not shifting her gaze, "nothing. I've done nothing. Saved the world with your brain inside my head, that's all," she commented. "You saved me. Time and time again. In so many ways," he countered, "if you don't want anything more than what we had I'm alright with that. Just mates. I'll do that for you because I would rather have you as my best friend than not in my life at all. When I took your memories it broke me too. You were the only other person who could remember what Gallifrey looked like, who knew what I went through during the time war, what my true name is," he exhaled, "losing you was a hundred times harder than with Rose. It pushed me too far. I almost caused you to take your own life Donna. What I feel for you isn't new or confusion. Having you die in my arms made me realize I want to be the one who dies in your arms," he blurted catching his breath.

Donna sunk against the door in awe of the proclamation the Doctor made bringing her knees to her chest as she openly wept, "oh Donna. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have laid that all on you," he apologized rushing to her side, "I take it back. I'll take it all back," he frantically added. She raised her head but refused to meet his eyes instead leaning in next to his ear, "don't you dare Theta," she whispered so soft that he almost missed it, even with his Time Lord hearing. Donna leaned back watching his face of panic explode into that of wonder. He hadn't know how much he longed to hear his true name said by another, how had needed Donna to say it, "how," he questioned amazed. Lifting her hand to his cheek she ran her thumb across his cheek bone, "just because you removed your consciousness doesn't mean everything's gone," she informed him, "the things that came through are burned into my memory, just like you," she reassured leaning in and kissing his other cheek making his ears burn red. Giggling at his deep blush Donna laid her head on his shoulder as the Doctor wrapped his arm around her. It might take some getting used to but the domestic life was going to be full of new adventures too.


	10. Chapter 10

It didn't take them long to move back into Donna's flat, after their first full day at Sylvia's the Doctor was ready to run away to Utopia just to gain reprieve. They hadn't let anyone in on their secret but it was harder to contain then they would have guessed as they couldn't keep their eyes off each other or be separated for too long. Sylvia was the one to broach the subject of their plans first over breakfast, "so are you going to steal my daughter away again," she had asked pouring him orange juice. The Doctor promptly began choking on his mouthful of eggs, "Mum," Donna hissed as he gulped down the freshly poured juice trying to prevent his respiratory bypass from kicking in , "no, no, it's okay Donna," he smiled setting the glass down. "Actually Sylvia, I was planning on taking the slow path," he grinned meeting Donna's eyes. Sylvia placed the jug of juice back into the fridge sitting herself at the table, "what does that mean? Sounds like complete rubbish to me," she declared.

Rushing to his aid Donna reached out placing her hand on his, "the Doctor is going to be staying with me," she smirked. This time it was Sylvia's turn to choke, "what," she clucked. "At my flat. We'll be moving my things back later today," she told them of their plans. Wilf watched his granddaughter and the Doctor beaming, "but you have no job," Sylvia objected. The Doctor placed a finger in the air as if waiting for permission to speak from Sylvia, "ah, I can help with that. Have a bit of money saved from the last time I lived on Earth," he added. "Oh God you're pregnant," she accused. Donna scooted back from the table shocked, "no. No. No, right," she looked over to the Doctor who was laughing hysterically, "right? I can't get pregnant from kissing you," she paused, "Doctor," she growled slapping him slightly panicked that he wasn't answering. He brought his hand up to soothe his arm where his was wounded by Donna's hand once again, "no. Time Lords mate the same as all humanoids," he explained setting them all at ease.

Sylvia sat there glaring at the two as Wilf smiled on, "you two were kissing," she referenced making Donna blush, "uh. Yea we were Mum. Um. It isn't like that. The Doctor is very old fashioned that way," she said trying to put her at ease. "I'll have you know I quite like to dance," he objected receiving a swift kick from Donna under the table, "ouch. What was that for," he rose his voice rubbing his sore leg as Donna shot him deadly glances, "can we not talk about this in front of my Mum and Gramps," she whispered hinting his imminent demise if he didn't drop the subject. Wilf chuckled at Donna's insistence thankful that he didn't have to worry about the Doctor hurting her, "you two should get a move on getting the TARDIS. Traffic this time of day will be horrible. I imagine you'll want to get everything unpacked so you two can relax later on," he hinted. Donna looked from her Gramps to her Mum then down at her plate blushing, "I suppose you're right Gramps. We should really get on the case," she agreed standing up and taking her plate to the sink as the Doctor shoved the rest remaining on his into his mouth.

Upstairs Donna thankfully didn't have to worry about repacking much since she didn't have time to take much out of boxes other than clothes. Plucking them from their hangers and folding them neatly into her travel bag Donna suddenly felt like a weight was on her shoulder. That hadn't discussed why the Doctor wanted to stay at her flat and she was worried that something else was wrong. Every time he was face with his own death before he ran toward it direct but something about this felt like he was digging his feet in, "'taking the slow path,'" echoed in her ears. He had used those exact words three times now like he was grasping onto them from a memory. Catching him standing in the doorway she shook her head, "oi. Why don't you stop gawking and make yourself useful spaceman or do you want another smack," she threatened jokingly. He picked up three stacked boxes, "where do you want these," he strained to say not wanting to admit that even she packed too heavy for his Time Lord strength. Donna continued folding her clothes, "in my car. It's the dark blue one in the garage," she instructed finishing the last few hangers.

"TARDIS blue. Your car is TARDIS blue," he exclaimed running up the stairs and pulling Donna into a hug. She shook her head placing her hands firmly on his chest, "yes. I told you. Some things are burned into my memory. Now, help me get the rest of these with your super strength," she purred. As Donna strained to lift one box the Doctor lifted four, obviously weighing him down but he was trying not to let on. She watched him fill her car full of boxes faster than she could and eagerly wait for them to go save his TARDIS from UNIT, "if we were in the TARDIS we'd be there now," he complained while they were stuck in traffic. Nudging his shoulder playfully with her hand she gave him a wink, "lay off it spaceman. If you hadn't taken my memories we wouldn't be in traffic either," she lightly chided.

Taking her hand the Doctor brought it to his lips gently kissing it, "Donna I am so sorry I did that. I will do anything to make it up to you. To right things with you," he declared. She turned her eyes off the road to him noticing his sincerity, "Doctor I didn't mean it. I was only joking. You came back. That's all that matters," she sighed trying to make herself believe it as well. The Doctor opened his mouth to speak again but Donna silenced him with her finger, "no. You do not get to keep apologizing. It's over," she firmly told him focusing on the road again. She had forgiven him right? The Doctor had come back, he had proclaimed his love for her, surely she could move on from what he did. Then why were they going to her flat? That had been his idea, yes. No, Donna had told him she wanted to go home. How did he know that home wasn't the TARDIS anymore? Had she said that? More importantly, when did the TARDIS stop feeling like home.

Stricken from her thoughts upon feeling lips pressed to her cheek Donna looked over at the Doctor startled, "I'll see you at your flat," he repeated. She nodded, "yeah, okay," she replied distinctly making him pause, "are you? Okay that is? You seem. Is there something on your mind?" Forcing a smile on her face she shook her head, "no. Just a little foggy. Maybe a side effect," she lied. The Doctor's hand was in his pocket instantly retrieving the sonic screwdriver and scanning her, "do you feel lightheaded? Can you think straight? Are you hot? Headaches," he quizzed worried. "Stop beeping me," she ordered pushing the sonic away from her, "I'm fine. It's just been a lot in the last few days Doctor. I'll see you at home. Go on," she commanded waiting for him to reluctantly get out so she could be on her way.


	11. Chapter 11

Walking into her flat Donna couldn't help but feel a sense of dread seeing the old girl. The TARDIS had been parked directly in the center of her living room, between the couch and telly, "no," was all that came from her mouth. The Doctor came prancing from the TARDIS, "what did I do," he questioned confused. "No, you are not parking the TARDIS in my living room. Downstairs will do just fine," she pointed out. The Doctor grinned flashing his puppy dog eyes at her, "but Donna," he whined knowing she would give in but she just intensified her glare. Adding his pouting lip to try to get his way the TARDIS interjected, "she needs time my Doctor," she hummed as Donna's face softened, "okay," he relented jumping into his ship to park her on the street. As the TARDIS dematerialized Donna stood there shocked, "I heard that. I heard her," she mumbled stunned.

Having made quick work of the boxes Donna snuck into her room pulling out a big box she had snuck into her room, "this is for you. I wanted you to have something of your own. I wasn't sure what to get for the Time Lord who has everything but you want to be domestic and so I thought what do humans spend a lot of time doing? They sleep. I thought you might want a bed. I know you don't like to admit you sleep but rather than falling asleep in uncomfortable positions on the couch or under the console maybe you could in the bed," she offered shyly. Taking the box from her the Doctor revealed a black futon, "its lovely, thank you Donna," he smiled setting it up on her living room floor.

She paused watching him noticing the space that hung between them still, "do you want anything? I have tea and marmalade. No toast though. Maybe I should go shopping, or we can order in," she babbled. "Donna," he softly said trailing his finger across her wrist, "it's just me. Same old doctor, your best mate. I don't expect anything. It doesn't have to be anything more than you want it to I'm in no rush I want to do this right, he promised. She reached up wrapping her arms round his neck, "I missed you," she told him, "I missed this," he agreed taking a whiff of her hair sensing the adrenalin running through her body.

Letting go Donna slipped her shoes off sinking down onto the couch, propping her legs up. She carelessly raised her arms sweeping her hair off her shoulders twisting it in her hand, "what do you want to do with the rest of the day spaceman," she inquired. He grinned picking her feet up and sitting beneath them, "how about we have one of your lazy days. We can watch a movie," he offered trying to make her feel comfortable. She smiled meeting his eyes, "yeah. If you want, why don't you pick out a DVD," she advised. The Doctor eagerly got up looking through her selection before picking on out, "what did you settle on," she questioned. He glanced back, beaming, "you'll have to wait and see," he taunted raising an eyebrow before turning back and popping the DVD into the player, "pizza," he hinted walking back. Pulling her phone from her pocket Donna called the local delivery place, "one large pizza with all the works," she barker her order in laughing at the Doctor's excitement before clarifying they had the correct address and hanging up.

Donna settled back into her position on couch as the Doctor plopped onto his front eagerly watching the movie begin to play. Watching him she can't help but smile. Never in her wildest dreams did she think any man would be in her flat let alone the last of the Time Lords. The movie began to play, seeing that he chose The Dark Knight, "how fitting," she thought aloud. "Hmm," the Doctor asked sitting up, "what did you say?" Worrying her lips she shook her head, "nothing. Nothing at all. Just muttering to myself," she stuttered. He leaned up against the couch wrapping his arm around her, "come join me," he whined pulling on her until she was down on his bed. Rolling her eyes she smiled, "okay," she whispered laying on her stomach next to where he had been as the Doctor settled back in cuddling next to her with his arm around her back rubbing circles into it.

Feeling her tense up underneath him he backed off a bit, "am I making you uncomfortable," he finally asked when she continued to tense up. Donna kept her eyes on the telly, "no," she replied, he paused, "no? Really," the Doctor questioned again. Taking a deep breath and letting it out she worried her lip, "yeah, a little bit," she confessed. He removed his arm from her, "okay," he said turning to watch the movie. They were about thirty minutes in when the dinner arrived, "I'll get it. Since I'm the only one with money for now," she joked sticking her tongue out at him. Paying the delivery man she made her way over with the box and napkins, knowing that the Doctor wouldn't want a plate while devouring his food.

He inched over next to her again when they were finished with their pizza, carefully placing his arm on her back again, just laying it there, his head next to hers. They were cuddled on the futon, the Doctor with his arm around her lightly caressing her back his other hand moving back and forth on her arm. She looked up out of the corner of her eye meeting his, "what? Is it too much," he asked seeing her smile. Donna exhaled the breath she had forgotten was inside, "I'm just happy. I like this," she confessed leaning over and pecking his lips the first time since that fateful night she realized she really wasn't insane. Laying her head next to his as the movie continued she relaxed contently into him letting her eyes drift closed.

Waking in the bed next to him Donna felt fear overcome her, the suffocation feeling was just too much she had to get out of there. Listening to his snoring as cute as it was wasn't enough. She needed out before her head exploded. Slipping from under his arm she shoved her feet in her shoes quietly closing the front door behind her. Donna had made it to her car before her body started to ease up. Doing what any woman would in this situation Donna searched for her phone but she didn't have any friends, not anymore anyway. Looking through her contacts she came across one name, the one person who could get it, "are you awake," she typed to Martha pressing send. Donna sat the phone down on the seat next to her starting the ignition and beginning to drive not stopping until she was outside Tesco, even though there was one a block away from her flat.

Hearing the tell tale buzz of her phone she reached over, "yes. Is it the Doctor? Is he okay," it read. Donna frowned, "the Doctor is fine. He is sleeping in my living room. Can you talk? I wouldn't ask but I'm freaking out right now. I don't know what to do," she sent. Two minutes later her phone vibrated again, long and hard, Martha was calling, "hello," Donna softly answered almost in tears. "Are you okay," Martha worried. Sighing she licked her lips, "yeah. I'm just confused. I just. There is so much he doesn't know, so much I don't know. What I've seen, what he did, what I've been through. I'm scared that he'll expect too much too fast," she cried. Silence met her on the other line, "are you two a couple," she finally started meeting the reply of Donna's deep breath, "I love him. He was my best friend. And he's telling me all these things I want to hear. That he wants the slow life. That he loves me. I don't know what to do. It's all so much," she sobbed.

She could hear Martha making tea in the background, "if you love him you'll be honest with him. Tell him how you feel. He's the Doctor. He'll understand and be patient and kind. It's what he does best," she comforted. Donna mulled that thought over a few moments, "your right. I just I felt like I had to get out of there. I don't know why. It was like my heart was going to explode," she said. Martha laughed into the receiver, "typical flight or fight response. You were scared. Your body gave you two options, fight the feeling or run from it. No one decision is more right than another. You were probably having a slight panic attack," she explained, "just talk to the Doctor. Next time I see you I'll buy you a drink and you can tell me all about it. I need a girl friend too. Would be nice to have someone I can share my new relationship with," she added. Donna smiled, "new relationship," she investigated, "I thought you were engaged," she quizzically asked. Martha got very quiet on the other side, "I was. A lot has happened. We'll have a drink soon. But, right now I'm tired and have work early in the morning so I need to let you go," she informed Donna.

The chill from outside was starting to seep into the car as Donna got out. Figuring that they needed groceries she put off going home a bit longer to go shopping. Well that and the fact that she wouldn't have to lie to the Doctor when she said she went to the store. It wasn't hard to pick out the Doctor's favorite items, toast, butter, bananas, as well as the basics. When she returned home Donna set the bags down on the counter seeing the Doctor sitting on the couch. He was sipping a cup of tea and didn't look up when she came in, "oh. You're awake," she softly greeted him but the Doctor just remained still. Worried at the absence of his normal self Donna came around to have a look at him, he was pale and met her eyes only pleadingly, "we need to talk," she finally stuttered. The Doctor nodded in agreement, "I know."


	12. Chapter 12

Donna quickly crossed her arms as a protective gesture, "how do you know," she huffed tapping her foot in annoyance. The Doctor slightly smiled, "why don't I get you a cup of tea and then we can talk," he offered. She sat on the couch cross legged facing him, "I don't need any. Why do you think we need to talk? Are you ready to talk about how you aren't happy here," she shot. "That is not what's wrong and you know it," he calmly reassured her. Donna rolled her eyes in annoyance, "then what is?" Taking a deep breath the Doctor began, "you were scared and you just left Donna." She stared at her hands, avoiding his eyes, "how," she finally whispered. He watched her with regret, "The TARDIS," he paused, "she always did have a fondness for you but I think your connection to her is stronger now. I know you can hear her. She can sense you're in pain and when you were scared, feeling all alone she woke me but you were already gone," he explained.

"You can't always save me Doctor. A lot can change in six months. I'm not the same person," she whimpered closing her eyes and pushing her lips into each other trying to hide her pain. He wanted to reach out, to touch her, promise everything would be okay but it would be pushing too far, "you will always be my brilliant Donna Noble," he countered. Breaking she allowed the tears to fall, "I'm ruined. I won't ever be your Donna again. There is only one thought plaguing my mind right now. It'd be so easy to pick up a razor, push into my skin and rag down. The blood would be warm and deep red. It would trickle slowly at first then faster around my wrist, dripping onto the floor as my life slipped from my body." "Donna stop," he yelled both of them in tears, "I'm not who you want. I certainly can't help you, I can barely help myself," she croaked. The Doctor reached out, his palm open and up, "let me help you," he begged, "please Donna. Let me help fix this. I can take away your pain," he offered.

His offer was sweet enough until Donna realized what he meant, "you want to mess with my head again? Like you didn't do enough damage the first time," she jeered pulling herself into a ball. The Doctor could see her closing off to him, "if this is too much for you I can go," he proposed waiting for her to object, to ask him to stay, anything. After a few minutes of her quite cue he stood up slumping to the door. Opening it he looked back at her hoping Donna would have a change of heart but she hadn't even moved. Reluctantly he left.

Hearing the door close Donna knew she was finally alone. She wanted nothing more than to ask the Doctor not to leave, for him to wrap his arms around her and hold her as she cried but he lost that right when he took her memories. It was better if he left anyways, he didn't want to live a human life. He was the last of the Time Lords, meant for so much more than Donna. She was lucky he even gave her the opportunity to experience what she did. That would have to be enough. She kept trying to shake the thought from her mind but every time she closed her eyes it was the same video loop; razor, skin, blood, razor, skin, blood. How she desired to feel the pain, to see the blood, the comfort, the control.

Standing up she made her way to the bathroom. Opening the cabinet Donna could see the glint from the light catching the shiny metal. There was warmth just at the corner of her mind, she could barely feel yet it was just out of reach. Reaching in she grasped the razor blade with her right hand eyeing the smooth, supple surface of her skin. So soft, so much flesh, so unmarred. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever think she would miss her scars, or miss the action behind them. Sinking to the floor she pressed down feeling the sharp tinge of pain as she sliced through her skin. Removing the blade she watched as the two sides of the cut split apart, revealing a dark pink under color as blood began to surface. Donna stretched her arm out, tightening her hand into a fist making the blood pool faster onto her skin.

She was so engrossed in absorbing the sight and feelings releasing from her she didn't realize she was being watched. "Donna, oh Donna no," the Doctor cried taking her into his arms and putting pressure on the freshly made wound. She closed her eyes biting her lips together as his hand encircled her wrist letting tears fall. Coming out of her trance like state the gravity of what she had just done struck her, "I don't know what's wrong with me," she softly sobbed into his chest. "I know. I know love," he comforted cradling her as he continued to provide firm pressure on her arm, "I know," he repeated tucking her head under his chin and began gently rocking her.

How few times he had dared to dream of holding Donna, whispering sweet words to her. Never did the Doctor think it would be in a time like this, a time when his actions had caused her so much pain. He knew the only one to blame was himself. The Doctor was thankful for his old girl's new connection with Donna, shuddering to think what would have happened if he hadn't come back at her persistent warning hum.

Gradually he could feel her body ease up while her crying stopped and breathing slowed. He carefully lightened his pressure on her arm fearful it would begin bleeding again. Thankfully it appeared to have stopped. The Doctor removed his hand investigating the wound. Superficial cut into the skin, deep enough to draw blood and leave a scar but not enough to puncture an artery.

Picking up Donna's fragile body he laid her on the bed, brushing a strand of hair from her cheek before covering her with a blanket. Walking around the other side of the bed the Doctor toed his trainers off quietly, crawling in and wrapping his arms around her. Even in her wrecked state she still was beautiful but his attention was focused primarily on the bloodies skin of her arm. Donna was strong, stronger than he was but he didn't know how to help her with this and it killed him inside.


	13. Chapter 13

Waking to the cool winter morning goose bumps prickled across Donna's uncovered skin. Tucked into the back of her neck and around her waist was the Doctor, his hands intertwined with hers. "You stayed," she stated playing with his fingers, "how could I not," he replied in her ear as she stared at the scabbed over cut, "I wasn't trying to kill myself. I, I just wanted to feel the rush, the pain," she offered. Remaining quiet, the Doctor listened hoping she would let him in, "I thought you left. I wouldn't blame you if you did," Donna sniggered at her own pathetic self.

"Never. I won't walk out on you again," he vowed making her frown, "Donna Noble you promised me forever and I intend to keep you to that," he pledged as she remained quiet. "When you're ready we can travel again, if that's what you want. Or we can stay here as long as you like. I'm sure UNIT or Torchwood would give me work," he continued. Donna removed her hand from his, turning over to face him, "I didn't think you wanted to travel? That you wanted to take it slow," she asked. The Doctor grinned tucking a ginger curl behind her ear, "I do, with you. I'll wait for you as long as you need," he explained. She placed her hand on his cheek, running her thumb over the Doctor's cheek bone, "why didn't you invite me to travel until now," she questioned. "You know the answer to that. Donna you do everything in your own time. I can invite you but if you aren't ready," he began but was interrupted, "how do you know if I'm ready if I haven't told you Martian," she growled.

The Doctor kept his arm around her waist fearful she might run off, "you didn't want to travel in the TARDIS, you didn't even ask about her once. You called home your mum's house than your flat," he paused, "I don't think you trust me," he admitted. "Will you stop telling me what I want and what I feel," she raised her voice I don't even know so you surely can't," she protested. Donna pressed her lips to his, threading her fingers through his hair as she moved on top of him straddling his waist, "Donna, no. I'm not like the others. I don't want this. You don't. Not until you're ready. I want all of you just not like this," he cautioned. Donna pushed herself off of him, "I didn't say I was going to shag you," she declared defiantly, "is that what you think of me?" The Doctor reached his hand out taking hers, "no I just want to make sure you know I'm not like the men you've been with before," he explained." Donna watched him cautiously, "you mean because you're an alien," she inquired. "Yes, well, no, but yes," he stammered. Donna smirked, "oh come off it. And how many men do you think I've been with before," she asked. The Doctor worried his lip, "um," he squeaked fearful of getting slapped, "one? Lance? You were engaged to him," he offered. She chuckled throwing her hair back, "well it's good to know at least one person doesn't think I'm a whore," she huffed.

He wrapped his arm around back around her, "Donna," he began "why did you. Last night," he trailed off fearful of pushing her too far. "Why did I cut myself," she spoke up nuzzling her face into his chest, "yes. I want to understand. Help me understand. Please," he pleaded. Donna stared up at the ceiling wishing she knew what to tell him, "I don't know really. I was upset, sad and scared. I, I was so scared when I woke up I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of here. I felt like I was suffocating and my heart was going to beat out of my chest," she confessed, "people don't just change overnight. What if I'm not what you want? What if you're just mistaken? What if you hurt me again," she whimpered tensing in his arms. Kissing her temple he held her tight, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, oh Donna," he muttered into her hair.

Donna turned in his arms, facing him, "no, I am Theta," she apologized making his hearts stop with the sound of his name rolling from her tongue. "Say it again, please," he begged. Smiling sadly she gazed into his eyes, "I'm sorry," she confirmed. His eyes filled with desperation, "no, my name. Please say it again," he pushed. Donna reached up brushing his fringe, leaning in close to his ear, "Theta," she whispered so only he could hear. The mere sound of his name sent chills down his spine, it left him breathless and caused adrenaline to spike throughout his entire body. Then his Donna did something he dared think was impossible, that he had only dreamed he could experience, leaning her forehead to his she closed her eyes, "I love you Theta," she projected into his mind. The Doctor gasped in amazement and exhilaration, "I love you Donna Eileen Noble," he declared back into her mind.

Running his hand over Donna's arm The Doctor spoke up, "will you show me what you felt," he asked of her through their new mental connection. Donna backed away startled, breaking it, "you don't want to see that," she replied fearful. Cupping her face the Doctor lightly kissed her lips, "I need to Donna. I need to know how you felt. I need to understand. I want to. No matter how bad. Because I love you," he pleaded. She gulped nervously leaning her head back to his trying to focus on last night and everything she felt and saw in her mind allowing him to see.

The Doctor was barraged with images of Donna sinking to the floor razor in hand, feeling helpless and alone like there was nothing else. She was on the bed next to him having just woken and her hearts were about to explode she was scared, scared of him, scared of herself. Donna was numb and broken being injected with chemicals forced into restraints, digging his name into her skin, praying for him to save her. She was with him in bed drunk taking pills, praying for her life to end, praying to be with him forever even if he wasn't real. Coming from work she was faced with monsters, all those they had vanquished and Lance repeating every hurtful thing he ever said to her. Donna was alone at the table surrounded by her friends but they all stared at her as if she was contagious because no one loved her. She was ugly, she wasn't special, she was stupid and worthless.

Pulling back from the overload he was in tears, actual flowing tears as was she, "oh Donna. Oh my love," he soothed rocking her gently, "I didn't know. I thought you knew. Even after I thought you would somehow know how amazing you are, how loved you are, how brilliant you are," he confided stroking her hair. "I'm sorry. You deserve to hear it more, all the time. Oh Donna, I will never let you go a day without knowing how important you are again," he promised. Donna was openly weeping into his chest unable to choke out words at his affirmations. "Doctor," she mumbled into his chest, "just promise me that when I'm ready it will be you, me and the TARDIS forever." He smiled tucking her head under his chin, "I wouldn't have it any other way," he promised.


End file.
